I had an interview today.  It was probably one of the longest interviews I’ve had yet.  It lasted some 2 and 1/2 hours.

I had an interview with Toyota Financial.  They are a good strong company and it would appear as a good place to work.  I have to wait until Friday before I will hear anything.  I don’t really like waiting.  I know as humans nobody likes to wait that much.  You wait for food, or drinks, or a movie to start.. we are just impatient beings.  However when it comes to jobs I’d rather know right up front.  As tough (or easy) as that would be, I would prefer it that way.

I passed the first round, and the second round.  I got into the final round.  I guess this is where they measure me up against everyone else.  I’m not so sure I’ll fair as well as some others.  I was speaking to one of the other candidates before the interview started and she let me know that she’s in school.  Going to school for her HR degree.  I thought to myself “well that’s nice” and then she said “since I’m not using my first degree anyway” uh.. beg your pardon?  Oh I see.  You are close to having 2 degrees.  Here I was thinking I had a shot against you or something.  Pffft.  Silly me.

Its kind of irritating.  What can you do?  She came from University of Phoenix so she had been getting free schooling.  I would do the same thing.  Yes, I really would.  The only hitch to my plan is that they don’t hire people without a degree anymore.  Fun.  Oh well.

Getting back to what I was saying.  I never know what to think after I walk out from an interview.  I mean, if you remember there are jobs which they literally promised me the job – only to back track and tell me that they were going another direction.  I keep saying that “somethings gotta give” and eventually.. something should.  Right?

I don’t have anything against anyone with schooling.  Obviously I am engaged to someone who has her degree and her masters.  However.. it doesn’t make me feel very valuable when time after time I hear that I am declined due to not having a degree.  Yet on the other side of things.. I hear that people with a degree are being told they have too much experience.  Maybe there is just no winning.

I will say something though.  Last post I asked for a little help from upstairs and the next day Toyota called me.  If anything it gave me a little bit of hope.

It’s a start!

just Pray

Hello.

So recently my brother and his girlfriend have decided to move in with the family.

It has been less than easy… to put it nicely.

After an argument regarding the poor financial choices of my brother (who previously gave me full reign to build up his credit score to which he is now tearing down at every chance he has) he threw out a few “i’ll kill you m*****f*****” along with some other choice words. Telling me to watch my back because he’ll come do it in the night. On another tirade telling me that they don’t ever want my help again and for me to mind my own business. You know, fun stuff. Nothing I want to deal with – and nothing that I want to be a part of.

Okay… how about some background: I loaned my brother some money (as mentioned in my last post) enough for them to cover their rent plus all deposits. My brother guaranteed me he had a job… but surprise of all surprises it fell through. Now, he and Kris are at their wit’s end and have no where else to turn but to come live with my parents. He informed me he wrote bad checks, on purpose. Kris says otherwise. I don’t know what to believe and I can’t stand the condescending attitude of those people.

I suppose I don’t have any big beef with Kris (other than the fact that she is so naive that she believes my brother is innocent in dropping Alexis (see the year 2007)— my niece plus she believes that he is covering for someone else). Here is how I see it. One of two things.
1. Either he told her he is innocent and that he was covering up for someone else (aka Heidi – his still current wife) – to which answer I would lose any/all respect I still hold for my brother
2. Or she is crazy enough to think that he is covering up despite the fact that he confessed to my family (and her???) everything that happened when he was on drugs – to which I have to question her sanity.

I’m not sure I like either answer.

Either way, lets just say I’m not having it. I don’t want to be a part of their finances. I don’t want to be any part of it. I want to move out as quickly as possible. Now more than ever. I’m even applying with collection agencies just so that I can get out of this place. It isn’t good for me.. mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

It gets better. In 2007 I was also hit by a drunk driver who was running around with no insurance – and in the country illegally. How does that matter? My brother and Kris with all of their phenomenal wisdom believe that they can run around in their car without insurance. No, I’m not kidding. So I let my parents know that my take was that they should either get insurance or don’t drive. My parents had suggested for them to stop driving but it was like talking to a wall. “We are safe, we go 10 under the speed limit everywhere we go!”

So lets add to my argument. My brother also sometimes drives. Yep, the same brother who has a few felonies and who will be sent away for a very long time if he gets in trouble again. Does it make sense to be in a car without insurance (it is just asking for trouble) or.. worse case to be pulled over with no drivers licence and no insurance. It drives me insane.. I’m not sure they think before they act.

Anyway, I let them know very bluntly that I’d tip-off the police if they kept driving, because honestly yes.. it is that big of a deal to me. Then another explosion. I admit that on this occasion some of what I had said was out of anger. I returned shortly thereafter & apologized for how things were said – rather than what was said.

They concocted a nice little plan to ask my parents to pay for their insurance for the first month. (Don’t ask me where they get all the money for gas and other things they go out for when they told everyone that they had a total of $0 dollars and 00 cents remaining). I guess money can appear from nothing… hmm I’m getting a little off task so let’s get back to the meat and potatoes.

I am so done… just so done. I don’t know how else to put it. I.. for my whole adult life (and as far as I can remember) have always hoped and prayed that I would one day have the chance to baptize my brother. Me and him would be together and for once our relationship would be repaired and even more importantly he would have a relationship with the Lord. I always wanted to hold that connection with my brother. That deep-rooted connection that couldn’t be broken. That connection where even if one of us died the other would always have good memories to look back on. Like the verse from Tri-Phi at Cascade. Psalms 133:1 – “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in peace.” I just don’t see such things at all now or in the future. It saddens me.

I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I am at my wit’s end. I have been talking to friends and family…. all of which does nothing to help the problem at hand. My depression has gotten severely worse in just the past 2 weeks.

What can I do? I am trying to get closer to God. I just want to feel like I am not being pushed away or torn away in so many different areas of my life.

A little help, maybe?

To end on a light note: even my phone has had enough recently. The room that I sleep in – is kind of make shift room. No AC, and it gets very hot during the days (yes even when its only 70 to 80 degrees outside). Don’t believe me?

That’s what I needed.  Well that and the DMV charing me some 200% more than my parents were charged (for the same thing being done).  *sighs*  I have to stop…

As of the 24th of this month, Happy Birthday to my dear friend Emily.  We have been through so much together.  I hope you had the best birthday surrounded with friends and family.

until next time

just Pray.