So, here I am. Blogging away at the wee hours of the morning.  I can’t sleep…  I don’t really feel tired either. As an update to my previous post about the job, I got the call.  I started a new job. It was interesting to me because after waiting so long… the offer was considerably less than what was originally indicated.  Hey, that’s life.  I get it.  I started that job two weeks ago this coming Monday.  It just seems like time is pushing on by… even if just slowly. Sigh. I was curious.  When I pressed about the monetary value and why it was so little.. I was informed that they would not change the offer and that if I wasn’t interested they need to know now.  I told them I’d take the job – obviously.  I don’t like how they went about it.  During training someone had said something about it in and they told everyone that they could offer less due to the market being so bad – and given that they had “several hundred” applicants/interviews for this very position when they were seeking 5 people so the selected few were the “fortunate” ones. My guess?  They picked the top of the top and kinda just screwed them over by letting them know (after they waited for an offer) they wouldn’t pay them what was originally indicated, and if they didn’t like it they would gladly move on.  Then they could keep going down the “yes- would hire” people list until they got to the 5 people they needed.  I mean that would explain pretty much everything. When they made my offer it seemed as though the HR person was jumping at the bit to get me to turn down the offer.  Every chance they had, they’d let me know they were in control and I had to deal with it or move on.  Not a great experience. To top it off, I requested some time off for this little thing called my wedding.  Now, I didn’t wait until this week to do so.  No, I went and spoke to the HR department on day 1 (giving them as much time as possible) given the fact that it is in August.  I see no problem with that.  Do you? Oh wait, new hires can’t take any time off for the first 6 months. 6 months? Really? Wow. I made the request but before I could even get done providing an explanation as to why I needed the time off, I was told that I should have let them know before I was hired.  She reiterated to me again “this is really something you should have been up front about, why didn’t you tell us?”  to my reply “August is some four months away and every other employer I have worked for has allowed for time off after 90 days at the max.  I never thought this would be an issue.  Plus- nobody asked me at any point if I would need time off in the future.”  Plus, I wasn’t going to volunteer information that would disqualify myself from an offer.  She replied with something along the lines that it would have been nice to know before an offer was made so they could make adjustments. That’s my point.  haha The request is in and I am waiting to hear back.  I had emailed once to check on the status but didn’t hear anything.  Emailed a second time and received an email stating that the request wasn’t likely to be approved anytime soon but they would contact me when they had more information. I’ve asked others about it and from what I hear – I’d have to take a few occurrences for it (a written warning or so).  Plus possibly other things. It has kinda been that sort of experience.  The whole thing, from start to finish.  To say that it is a little disappointing would be an understatement. I go to work every day and I feel a constant pressure within my chest.  It feels like its bearing down on my heart.  Or in that general area.  The sensation doesn’t stop when I’m at home – and only slightly eases up on the weekend.  I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this emotional about a job. I’ve not liked going in to work on previous jobs — but who hasn’t?  Typically once I am at work – things are better, easier and when at home.. I’m free = no hard feelings.  If I end up feeling sick to my stomach or anything its usually just in the mornings before I go in– but all day long?  Every day? I don’t know. I don’t know. I feel discouraged.  Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t so much about the pay (I understood previously that I’d have to take a cut somewhere down the line) – it isn’t even so much about the position and lack of … whats the word?  Lack of…. confidence in performing the tasks I need to.  It is just a feeling.  I’ve tried to shake it off. I pray and pray and pray.  I don’t know.  Did I mention that yet? 🙂 I thank God for every day I have.  I am grateful for where I am and the people that surround me (here and across the world). Despite all of that, I have this feeling that I can’t shake.  I don’t know why. I won’t keep mentioning this in future posts.  I just wanted to share with you at least once in a very honest look at my feelings surrounding this topic. Anyway, in other news… We have been getting a lot of feedback for invites to the wedding.  That’s good.  Every day is a day closer. I also want to take a minute and address the Trail Blazers. Dear Mr. Paul Allen Or If anyone from their team reads this: Please stop.  You really don’t need to try and win any more games this season.  You are only hurting us in the long run.  The best option now is to tank every game and get a better draft pick so we can build for the future.  You and I both know that a good portion of the team won’t even be with us in a few short months, so why make like any of it matters now?  Best case scenario (in the mind of dreamers) we make the playoffs.  Then what?  Knocked out first round or second to be sure.  Most likely in the first round.  SAY we won the championship (won’t happen) you’d have an asterisk (*) by that ring because this season will be remembered as a lockout season.  Again, let’s not waste our time.  Please stop trying to get immediate satisfaction and look towards the future.  We both know this is the best, now it is time to put the plan into action and start anew. Sincerely – #1 Fan. P.S. I know you have a General Manager position open (who will need to make trades and do what is best for the team).  I am interested in this position and would even volunteer my services if needed.  If you take a look at my approval and disapproval of trades, you will see I can make the right decisions.  In addition the organization needs someone who is passionate about Blazers basketball.  That’s me. P.S.S. I’d also consider the head coach job that you have open.   However my preference is GM, I am sure we can work something out. just Pray

It isn’t much fun, but waiting never is.

Doesn’t it seem that when you want or need something it takes that much longer for you to get whatever it is you are anticipating?

Sure seems that way to me.

To say that I am annoyed is perhaps an understatement. I called HR a few times. Was told it would be a week later… Or the second or third time speaking with them it was ‘a few days more’ and so on. I called corporate. Explained to them that I’m essentially putting off others until I heard back from them. She was very nice- very apologetic. She assured me that they would be finished with their selections on Thursday. If in the unfortunate event they weren’t finished she promised to call me and provide a courtesy update. I appreciated her helpful-ness amongst the madness, thanked her and got off the phone.

Thursday came and my phone was silent. No missed calls, no voicemails- zilch. I thought to myself, okay let’s give her until 5:30. Well that didn’t help much either. I suppose what would have helped was having an intention to call in the first place.

Sigh.

It’s aggravating. I’ve never had to deal with things like this before. Anyway I suppose it’ll make me all that more experienced. Today (it just turned Friday) I have another interview scheduled with a different company. No high hopes. It would be a contract position. Let’s just see how it goes and take it from there, shall we? I’ll do my part and pray about it all until I’m blue in the face once again. Something’s gotta give- sometime- someplace- somewhere.

This weekend it could hit 90 degrees again. Which is sort of funny considering that just a few days ago it was cool with temps in the low 40s for a high. It’s a good time to get sick!

So I’ll start to wrap this shin-dig up with a picture of Mayer. She has been a trooper. Still marching along as well as she can.

I think she had the time of her life last night. Jake was outside and she picked up on it after a good hour or so. She tracked him down and started to bite him wherever she could. I’m sure Jake wasn’t quite as amused as I was. He was annoyed but he didn’t bite her… just swatted at her a few times. The poor old girl… She doesn’t have any power in her bite so it’s not like she could harm him. I can imagine what she was thinking though ‘after all of these years’ (of having never caught a cat) “Finally! I caught one! & took a few bites too!”

I was amused. No harm no foul.

Also a quick shout out to my parents: Happy Anniversary as of the 20th

And to JJ: Happy Birthday as of the 21st.

That’s all the update I have. Until next time….

just Pray

The title says it all, it is a waiting game that I’m playing with Toyota.

Hopefully, it will be a fun game and not a game that turns out to be like all the rest.

They ordered a background check on me, I guess that is a good sign.  The company was supposed to have it completed by Thursday or so last week, but – joy of joys.. they had problems with getting ahold of people at past places I’ve worked or gone to school.  Due to this, they weren’t able to complete everything until yesterday at 5:25pm (or so the rep told me when I called asking for a status update to confirm everything was completed).

So now, I’m guessing that I won’t hear back until… what Friday?  It was originally last Friday, but hey- lets push it out another week just for fun.

Sounds like a plan.

What else?  I have started setting up a new website.  It will be up and running for a short time.

www.081712.com

I’m sure you can figure out what the content will have – etc if you go to the site.

Question for you, as a general reader.  When you see couples – do they flirt with each other?  This can be any range of couples.  From married couples who have been together their whole life, to newly weds.. or even just domestic partners.  The parameters are wide open.  The question is more about if they flirt, or not.  And if you know that they flirt, is your impression that they have a healthy relationship?

This doesn’t stem from anything too important.  I was thinking tonight about Sky and myself and how we really don’t flirt much.  I am curious to see others views on it, or thoughts in general.  I know that every relationship is different – just looking at things from a different perspective than from my own.

So, other than that?

I’ve been under the weather lately.  It really showed up when I was visiting JJ’s mom in the hospital (she had a heart attack & has since been released from the hospital, but please keep her in your prayers).  I was in the room hearing about how she flatlined and how they had to use the paddles to bring her back to life.  I started to feel like I couldn’t breathe.

Weird.  I thought maybe my legs were locked from standing without moving.  I bent my legs and walked in a little circle.  I started to feel thirsty.  More-so as time goes on.  Almost feel like I have cotton-mouth.  Ugh.  I thought to myself that water would be a good option.  After excusing myself from the room I walked down the halls of the hospital looking for a drinking fountain.  I started to feel weak and dizzy.

Immediately I started to think about my interview at Liberty Mutual.  My body had that same feel.  What am I talking about?  (read it here)

Sweats broke out across my body and I could see my vision starting to get blurry, then a little dark.  I looked for a place to sit and found a couch next to a family who was visiting someone in the hospital.  I’m not sure what they thought.  It must have looked bad when I collapsed on that couch, a sweaty mess.  I then felt like death warmed over.  I wanted to lay on the ground and let the world spin around me.  I thought better of this being in a hospital.  I could see it.  I would end up being admitted to the hospital – no insurance and no job.  No thanks… I can’t afford that bill anytime soon.  I stepped into a family restroom which was only a step or two away.  Then I was able to really crash locking the door.  The funny thing is.. I kept thinking that this would make a good episode on Greys Anatomy.  ha!

I sat in the bathroom for a little while and let my shirt dry off and let the blood come back to my face.  I was on the brink of losing it – and it felt like I would faint any moment.  I texted my parents and asked if they could come get me and drive the car back.  It wasn’t good.

About 10 or 15 minutes later I was probably good enough to drive home, but I decided to play it safe.  Afterall – no harm, no foul.  I returned to the room and let Sky know what took place.  She looked worried, bless her.  I then let everyone know that I had to leave to take care of something with Willie.  Yeah, a lie.  Why?  The main reason was: JJ’s mom had just went through surgery and shouldn’t be around someone who was … well feeling like I felt and so instead I apologized and let them know that we had to leave.

The next day was spent in bed.

Yesterday I felt much better.  Today even more-so.  I am betting that it was the cold… or something.  Either way, I’m feeling better now… so no big deal.

I leave with some lyrics that happened to be playing a few minutes ago while typing this post.  I do like the song it is from.

“If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave
Tonight’s the night – For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide – In a beautiful display
It’s all up tonight – When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea – To a city with one king
A city on our knees”

I can only imagine.

just Pray