hey

so I have to admit that it is almost a little bit of releif knowing that virtually nobody who knows me reads or even knows about this blog. I’m sure that won’t be the case forever- but it certainly is now.

I am something else. I yearn for time off.. I really look forward to it. What for? Just to not be at work? I’m not so sure anymore.

This past weekend I had four days off. (Thanksgiving + the rest of the weekend) of the whole time, one day was spent with – one friend. Other than that I’ve just been at home. Normally this is fine by me.. I love spending time with my family. I am so close to my family that if I spend all day with my friends I start to miss them – or feel guilty.

Now, unpacking this for a minute I also was fine when I moved away from them for college. I admit it was a bit of a nucence at times – when I just wanted people around me who would accept me as I am and to have people around me whose expectations were attainable.

Alas. I know it is my time to have moved out from home. Finicially this wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do right now. I am almost done paying off the rest of the loans I took out when I went to Cascade – then I will save a little bit of money. Once I’ve done that I intend on moving out and back up to Portland. This will take time, I know, I keep telling myself that.

I have been paying down my loans from day one of work. I had close to twenty thousand worth of private loans (some of that wasn’t from college, but was from interest on the loans) because when I went to college I had private loans whose interested started gaining even while I was in school.

Not the greatest situation – considering I am a year away from graudating with the credits that I have from Cascade. I wish I had been able to finish, because switching to a normal school might involve me taking more classes to make up for the bible credits.

But so far I have successfully gotten the number down roughly thirteen thousand dollars. I am well on my way of making this happen. I really hope this happens. I am trying to make sure things do follow through. My friend (JJ) and I will be moving – roughly in May of this coming year.

I really like Chris Rice music.. and I’d listen to it all day if it didn’t put me to sleep at work.

Friends. I was watching Boston Legal (which is becoming somewhat normal) and in the episode they talked about putting work before Friendships. One of the lawyers stopped and said
“I never imagined myself as the type who would put work before friendship”
– the other person in the room talking to him said..
“We all do”
He went on to say how friendship is like a garden. We have all the tools, the right things to make it work, yet we neglect it- not giving it enough time.

I don’t know why I decided to mention this – except it made me think of friendships that I might have been able to cultivate and make better. Instead I neglect.. and I don’t mean to. I turn around one day and my garden is lying in waste.

I’ve felt like writing lately, so maybe I’ll post a poem (the first one this year!)

that’s all for now.

just Pray