Hey

-deep post.. might even invoke thinking – thats your warning-

I have called, prayed and sought to never be spiritually content with my actions, with my life… to always be seeking, growing.. pushing.  Ever since I took Christianity seriously.

I’ve been thinking of doing a blog like this for a while, but it seems fitting to do it now because they did this chart at church today.. about stages in somebodies faith… boiled down to these steps..

Seeker – Believer – Grower – Liver – Follower.

Seeker – someone who is open and seeking for answers.

Believer – someone who accepts that the Bible is the truth

Grower – someone who grows within their faith

Liver – aka a Christian, someone who lives as much as they can, or are willing to give.

Follower – someone who is totally willing and following Christ.

Overall I agree with what was said and the different categories.  The point of the sermon was to be a follower.. not someone who just lives life and somewhat follows some rules.  That the hardest thing for anyone to do is switch from just living it to being a true follower, I got it – I have heard it a thousand times if I’ve heard it once.  Also that people who fall into the (grower – liver) category are what most people lump into.

True.  No objections.  Also that most people go back and forth from growing and living it on their journey but that it mostly stops there.

Many-a-times I have heard Christians being so energetic.  I have talked to many people who start off so on Fire in their faith.  Unfortunately we are not all so lucky to even catch that glimpse of a fire.  Even those so energetic and full of life when starting in their faith, or perhaps the aura of being around someone more tenured in their journey with God – you get a feeling of knowledge.  That’s what we seek.  To know more.  Within that fire some people eventually fall away.  I know a lot of people who say “if you fell away you never had it in the first place” and that is a strong statement.  One which I am not sure of… because my heart knows these people, and things tend to tell me otherwise.

As for me?  I wish I could start a race and finish just as strong, if not stronger than when I started…

http://video.xanga.com/xangavideoplayer.swf?i=878742&m=2c67a 

Something like that.

It is heartbreaking when someone you know no longer follows the life they once had stood so firm in.  Some people have this feeling of an apex, where they don’t want to come down off the high.  That would be lovely.. yet not so realistic.  When falling, coming down they then grasp onto the faith they once had, like a friend that was apart of your life for one short season..  

It fades to a memory.

Soon – it is viewed as if a great romance that once filled these lungs is to never come again….

You are either growing or not.  Now, if you aren’t growing you aren’t moving closer to God; therefore getting further away.  You are constantly in a struggle, in a battle.. moving either closer or further from Him.. and it isn’t God whose moving.

Christianity… ah yes such a struggle.  I struggle with God – on my own will over his.. I struggle hearing, knowing, following..

Yet this faith within me stirs, it calls me and urges me to move – to act.  Faith without works wasn’t something I had mapped out in my mind before I embarked on this journey.  I am sure most people don’t look at buying a car to ride in the passenger seat the whole time they own it.

…and my inhibitions? I attempt to leave them at the door.  Some always seem to sneak up.

I have sought to act.  Attempted at doing so and there are always things stacking against it.  I sometimes feel defeated.  Praying constantly for opportune times and ways to act – influence, go where I’m needed… yet still sometimes this defeated sense engulfs my every bit of being.  I don’t say these things to give myself kudos..

I love the song by Jars of Clay – Faith Like a Child.

Father.. I can barely stand on my own.  Yet I often am too embarrassed to accept help or seek it.

Messiah… save us.  Save me.

In this post, I seek to come across in an open and honest manner.  I’ve been working out my inhibitions on my knees, which is where it should be done.

The point of this?  Wasn’t to call anybody out.. just something I have been thinking about for a few weeks.

just Pray.