Update:

http://www.jshox.com/music.html

So I am at my brothers house, enjoying the time up here but I can’t sleep so I’m going to type this up now and post it later on Xanga.

It is a long post… and a lot of it is random so if you have some time kick back and relax.

Memories of 2005-2006 school year at Cascade

….. Role Call!

Complaining about not being challenged… looking for spiritually focused Guy friends and coming up with one.

Psalms 133:1, Twiddle de, Twiddle dumb, Philings, Goodbye to Tri-Phi.

Voices, can you hear me now?Meeting with Tom, Missing my no credit class, Close to dropping Voices, Questioning how much of a difference I was making.

Missing family, doing laundry and talking to Matt and having Katie talk to Matt.

Missing Katie, missing Kat, missing friends, pulling away from friends, dodging Jay and Ruth, or anyone who makes eye contact.

Becoming good friends with Jenise, Jay and Billie Jo.

Situations with Dorm mates.

Missing off the face of the earth, who can notice?Let me know.Searching, wondering, dealing with crushes, drama, and mood swings.

Reminding myself to not complain about not being challenged to God anymore…

Asking Erika out… and being turned down.

Kacie and Micah inviting a stranger over to our table, wondering why I ever agreed to it.Opening my eyes to things I didn’t want to see.

Basking in the rain, walking in the rain, long walks with Ruth even countless talks with Ruth.Drives with Jay and washing our cars even in the rain.

Trying churches, many churches, in many weeks.

Random drives with random people.

Missing Central…

Snow – playing in the snow, making a mess of Jay’s car with the snow.

Rumors, reputations fleeing, everyone knows more than you.Losing respect… Stupid stuff, drama (yes again).

Lunch with Ruth everyday, pool and ping pong with Jay.Short jokes at Billie Jo, notes with Dayna about random stuff only a few sentences.Getting to be good friends with Billie Jo again and eventually deeper with Dayna.

Moving out of the dorms.

Ruth’s secret to me and my same secret about her.

Getting mad at people, getting mad at life.Frustrated at lack of everything within myself including how poorly I was performing in school.

Pulling out of Cascade… dropping out?Questioning my place at Cascade, asking God or… thinking I was asking God.Really just asking myself – but then taking 2 days to pull away and be silent before God to hear, to Listen.

Something I should do more of even today.

Close call, lots of talks – even with, yes…Brian Simmons.A new vision, making a change – new views sometimes clouded.Better outlook better vision, redefined with a sharper edge.

Applying to U of A, realizing a mistake I was making and again become lost in movement.

Finding out about those who talked about me…. offering Forgiveness

Trying to focus, but lacking a challenge I can grab onto and rise above.

Noticing those who look past me, and almost dating Stacie.Girl drama…

Watching what I say and do around people.Trying to change outlooks to better show God within me.

Jay gets a real girlfriend.

Seeking qualities that are not of me.Seeking a constant Contact with my Creator.Failure in my faith – being lukewarm, getting reignited,
Missing Katie, realizing the disconnect on a new level in the friendship that may not return.

Going with Billie Jo to get her car, and going with my ‘Best Friend’

Getting a new car.

Having everything erased, communion though the soul.Pouring myself into His hands.

Questioning my future, possibly to return to Cascade, possibly to never return.

Choir Tour

Enjoying myself and finding new friends.Getting into the Word and really seeing God work within me.

Bonding with Matt like a brother and not like a friend.Connecting with Aaron and talking to Deniece more.

Enjoying my company on a new level and reconnecting with Dorm mates.

Looking at my past and how far I’ve come, and then looking at the future with uncertainty.

Sometimes I just want a chart – getting hotter or colder to knowing God.That way in every act I have a place… in every ‘genie lamp’ that shows itself… I can take note and steer clear.Writing this up makes me see the good change that has gone on within me and what it took for me to get there.I came to Cascade expecting to be challenged in a way that I had in mind.I had no idea I would go through all of that and more.Everything listed seems pretty basic but it was mostly unexpected.Now do I understand?Yeah, but I’m not sure if I should be at Cascade or elsewhere.I can’t get a good feel for it.I know I would LOVE to travel and go overseas and just pick up at a new college… but that would be all for me.I just want the direction to always be a God thing.

I don’t want to get to heaven and look at a painting of my life and go, that’s all you had planned for me?For God to turn and show me another painting… and for me to say, “Holy Cow!!That’s a masterpiece… it is beautiful!!! Why didn’t you paint me that way?”(even for me to say that would be like a pot shouting at the potter to making it something other than what its purpose is – its just crazy!) And then for my Father to say – that’s what yours was supposed to look like… but Free Will happens.

I want His will.I want to be swept away.

I have high hopes for this summer, and for next year and so forth and so on.

This is the random gibberish of Jason at 2:05 am.Speaking of that… the baby is so cute.It makes me think of the wonder of God every time I put my finger against her five.It makes me appreciate being knit in the womb and all the plans he must have in store.

The middle name is Anne- but that reminds me of Ruth, who tells everyone her middle name is spelt with an e.So does the Alexis part, for other reasons that she would know.

Leah, protect your heart with all you have J.My dear friend…

This post makes me feel so exposed… I question to if I should even press submit… but Alas I’ll do it anyway.

“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!‘Who has known the mind of the Lord?Or who has been his counselor?Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?’For from him and through him and to him are all things.To him be the glory forever!Amen.”Romans 11:33-36

Pray Hard, God Bless

Ciao