Hey
I decided to go back and add a little more detail to my last post…
Why not? It’s my journal.. 😉
So I’ve been told… You should do what will make You Happy. Satisfy yourself.
I don’t really live that way.. If I did I would be doing things quite opposite than the way they are.
I took the rest of last week off.. and on Thursday pulled away and did some major praying in the midst of a Subway sandwich – sitting in a Starbucks somewhere off the road a few miles out of Vancouver. He knew I was coming… it was a wonderful afternoon. It wasn’t raining until after I got inside – and then it started to come down very nicely. I like the rain :).. lots.
Why does everyone tell you to do what will make you happiest?
Isn’t that living for yourself? If I want anything at the end of this life – its to be that I was a servant.. for God (and yes.. other people in the process). I just want to follow… I want to have the dust from his sandles on me.
So back to my story where I was in Starbucks, listening to an old couple talk about how the government is so messed up. Haha.. they just kept going on – so much fury in their voices and then they started ripping into Gen. X – didn’t bother me.. not sure if that was the intent or not. I wish I could say I was in Starbucks and this great light appeared and I was told to do one or the other. It isn’t that easy.
I ate.. then left – and we talked on the journey back. I wrestled with my own emotion – I had to fight off some of my very own intent – I’m telling you now.. if I had it my way I would be done with Cascade. I was almost dead-set on leaving.. regardless of anything. Last week I would convince myself that it would be best just to up and quit. I couldn’t sleep at night – I felt a nagging. I looked up a Sermon on God’s Will and really let it sink in. I have no clue how to bring the answer to you all… honestly all I can say that I have no doubt this is what my father wants for me. I just want to keep this faith like a child..
I prayed about it some more and asked him that His will be done… not my own. I’m coming back to a heart of quietness… you can hear so much through the silence. My life is all about Jesus… why shouldn’t it reflect that?
No.. if you are wondering if my last post was a joke – it wasn’t. I am no longer living at school… I really think my roommates were bringing me down- in one way or another.. I don’t think it was good for me to stay in that place. I moved home- it is about a 20 minute drive depending on traffic. Guess what? I just saved a bunch of money by switching to… Home 😉 haha not Geico. It will be weird.. and I will have my challenges laid out before me to make it through this semester but if this is what he wanted…. who am I to say no?
I hope to stand – and be awestruck by the work to be done with and within me.
After I get done with this – I shall be doing homework for another hour or so.. studying for a test tomorrow. Funny little quirk.. or.. whatever you want to call it 🙂 I had to get up and give a three minute presentation in Comm III. I didn’t know what my topic was about (because you pick it out of a black box) – this on Friday.. the day I decided to stay. I got up and really wasn’t nervous at all. I picked my topic – and it was about the war on terror. Ironic how I just went and heard a guest speaker on that. So guess what I talked about for 3 minutes? The experience I had a week or two back…
Afterwards I kinda looked up and said to Him ‘You are Good.. you know that?’
“All I am is me…everything else is Jesus” I like that quote, & he said it.
“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.” – Proverbs 2:1-8
Pray Hard – you are never alone.
Update : http://www.jshox.com/music.html
God Bless
Ciao!