Hello

Tonight was a horrible night.

I started tonight feeling very much defeated. I’ve been at Cascade and I’ve hit a plateau to where I have come to an almost screeching halt on my growing in Him. I’ve been trying to get connected, stay close or make new friends, but none of it has worked. None of it has filled the God shape void in my life. I was recently inspired by a message at Central- my church in AZ (like usual) so I thought things would be better, but today everything just kind of came down.

I was getting slack from all different areas of my friends here at Cascade, if not verbally then non-verbally. It didn’t amount up to a very good day. I have been questioning myself lately, like why did I get involved in Tri-Phi, this is mostly a social club with some service mixed in, and should I be involved in something like this? I just want to serve Him. That’s all – I can make my own friends. I’ve questioned things that have went on. I’ve tried to push harder and harder into his grasp. But everything I did – it just seemed like his grip was getting looser, and looser. I started to panic, so for the last few days I have been keeping to myself, trying to filter out some things in my life. Mostly being locked upstairs in my room to myself. I know I shouldn’t be at Cascade, but where am I being called to? Fit that into almost every aspect of my life. I’m being open, and very much exposed in this post. Yeah I’m 21 almost 22, I should have most things figured out- at least in my faith right? Nope, it is a life long walk, full of adventures and I’ve been feeling lost.

Then tonight I went for a walk, and turned off my phone. A minute before I thought of going for a walk it started to rain. I went into my dorm and added some clothing, 2 head warmers, and a coat. I had it set that I would walk to Starbucks and walk back. (I usually just drive, but I knew I needed alone time.)

I walked, I prayed, I cried. It was my breakdown.

Then I just listened.

Oh what a wonderful God. Ah, he makes me smile – and I know that his hands never loosen. Sometimes I get so numb I feel like he’s losing grip, but he is holding on as tight as ever. We talked a lot. It was very good for my soul. Very good for my relationship with Him. I went to Starbucks (took maybe 30 minutes) and got a coffee that I could not afford.

I started to walk back to campus, just enjoying this walk with my Creator – side by side, hand in hand. Having a faith like a child. I occasionally would stop and just look up, stretch my arms out as wide as they can and Embrace him as he embraced me. On my way back, I stopped and happened to look down (note to everyone that my head was up in the heavy rain for 99% of the time, minus this one time) and I saw money. For a coffee that was 3 dollars, on the ground, in the rain – folded over itself was a five dollar bill. Our God isn’t a God of coincidence.

I don’t need any school. I don’t need anything but Him filling every aspect in my life. I attend school to Honor him. To in the end- have a more effective and critical role as a missionary or whatever he has planned for me in this world.

I walked home, knowing that I’ve finally come to a divine meeting with Him. It was the chicken soup to my soul. Sipping on the coffee, drenched and soaking wet, I stop and raise my head up and sing praises to the King of all Kings. I love you Lord. :o)

Finally I arrived on campus, and ever since.. I think of everything and a smile just comes over me, and my face.

Tonight was awesome. It went from being a really down and out kind of a night, to one of the best I’ve had in a very long time.

I felt compelled to tell this story to all, and that I love my friends- old and new.

Take care, God Bless

Ciao