hello

so today I did a lot of homework.

I stopped at lunch time to eat.. but it was like 1pm so I went to Redrobin with a friend.

I came back, and continued to do homework – but I did fall asleep for an hour while trying to do the homework.

Tonight I ventured out into the unknown, I took the freeway into Washington for a good bit, and then turned around and came back to the dorm. Once I got back to the dorm I talked to Brenna for a while, in fact up until I saw Allan walking inside with one other person. I decided that no time is better than the present and now should be fine to talk to him. So I asked him to come outside to talk but he got kind of defensive and kept asking me ‘what’ as if I was trying to fight him or something… hmm wonderful start.

Upon getting outside I addressed the problem that he said he had with me. He didn’t say much except that I am mean to him. I asked him to explain it to me, so that I could understand it, but he couldn’t do that.

After pausing for a minute he thought up of some scenario (last week) upon going to the movies, and what movie we were going to see, apparently I gave him a hard time about forgetting the movie? Or something along those lines, and so he got mad. He said that wasn’t the only instance but it was just one example and he won’t be apart of that because I am constantly negative.

So I asked for more examples, I even asked if anyone else could point out what was wrong with me.. and he told me ‘no’ just him. I told him I was sorry if he got mad over the example that he gave me, and that I the reason I didn’t mend this issue in the first place is that I couldn’t really apologize for what I didn’t know I was doing because it would either happen again or I would end up walking on egg shells. He didn’t really care much. He just sat back and stared at me, and I told him I didn’t want there to be tension between us. He fired back ‘well my conscience is clear’

Again, he kicked back and looked at me with a blank face. ‘I don’t really care’ was mostly the answer I got out of him. Mostly I was doing the talking but it is.. understood that we both shall go our separate ways. How stupid is this situation? I want to understand, I want to fix or whatever need to be done.. I’m willing to, but he sees me in a different light now and just doesn’t want anything to do with me.

I was frustrated after that little conversation so I called Brenna back up and told her ‘well that was pointless’ loud enough for him to hear as I was walking away. hahahaha yeah.. not the best thing to say.. and I realized that the moment the words got free. That’s what can happen when things are said out of frustration.

No more accountability partner haha.. I guess that was doomed from the start. And because our God is not a God of luck, it makes me wonder what the reason was behind this… if it was something I needed to learn or him? I’ve learned plenty about friendships in my life.. enough to last me a lifetime and I think I may have missed the point.

Ah well. Tomorrow is church, and then I will come home and read (hopefully Leah will call me during the day, heck I’ll step outside church if she does) – because she leaves for England to start school this Monday coming up. I am excited for her future.

Take care, God Bless

Ciao