Hey

So here I am again.. updating again.

Friday and yesterday were good days. I liked Friday, it was a wonderful day, as I talked about before. I went to Biblestudy, had a good time, enjoyed the conversation, then I left at 1:30 and stood outside his house until almost 4, standing in the rain, talking with Tara. It was good. It was really good.

Then Saturday came, went to church – really good message about how life isnt fair. And yet, the Forgiveness of God… is unfair. Good message.. anyway.. after that I waited outside the 242 room for Tara to show up, then we headed off to Subway and Tacobell to eat. I saw Luke Dappin (way way way way way old friend from like 5th grade and havent seen him in ages) and it was weird. How much he has changed. I talked with Tara until about 8:30 at that time.. I went home so that I could get a decent ammount of sleep.

Couldn’t sleep. Took a shower.. but the water was cold. Thats not exactly the stuff to make you sleep. Then I lay in bed… just.. thinking. Prayers already done, just.. laying. Its a rare thing, and it drives me nuts.. especially when I know I have up to be up early the following day.

I got a text message from Becky last night at 12 somethin asking if I was calling her and hanging up because I was the only one she could think of that would do that to her.

Well.. I wouldn’t do that. So, I let her know that I was insulted by the comment, and after a few texts said ‘when-if you wanna talk call me. I am sorry my words came across as harsh.’

She texted me today, saying that we could meet up either before bible study this week, or tonight. So, obviously I picked tonight.

We met up at the extreme bean. Apparently she thought I had something to say to her, like an issue to bring out with her or something. I didn’t, but if she had any questions.. comments, or just wanted to yell at me then this was the time to do it.

So we talked a little, she asked questions and I clarified from harshness – to reality – to the truth, to false emotions, to misunderstandings. I apologized again that my words hurt her, but explained that none of it was done in the intent to hurt her. It was not all so bad. She told me she has no problem with me – just thinks my words are harsh. Then after a bit of silence she tells me that if Lisa come to talk to her, she is going to try to convince her to not be my friend, because I am not a good friend to her.

Uh… okay.

And then she said if anyone in 242 wants or is going to try to be my friend then she will not reccomend it, and will try to prevent them from being my friend.

So I’m not a good friend either.

Then I basicly told her that I am accountable for my actions and words, and that I’m in the clear, and that she too will be held accountable for her actions and words. I left it at that.

I’m not going to fight. Oh how much I wanted to sit and say stuff to her, and how much I thought that I could have said. My heart beating to the point of me feeling my shirt move, I was ready to rumble. I didn’t.. I didn’t do anything.. didn’t say anything. Nor shall I. She is going to do her thing reguardless of what I say. If I say something now I might make things worse and end up doing more harm than anything.

So then I called Lisa, and took her to the extreme bean so she could get out of her house for a little, called Tara, asked her why she changed her voicemail… and now I feel like I am ready for bed.

Maybe not, but I know I need the sleep. I couldn’t sleep last night, Becky was texting me until almost 12:30, and then I didn’t sleep til a little after that. So thats like 4 hours of sleep? I almost fell asleep during some calls today, infact… I dazed out to the point of not knowing what a few people were talking about. Ah well.

So.. then the Blazers played the Rockets, but alas – I wasn’t home to see it. That is probably good news considering that they lost by 1 point, on account of a play where the ball hit the rim CLEARLY in a replay but the refs called a shot clock violation. So they lost 80 to 81, or something…. it was by one point. That much I know.

I’m done.. I have nothing more to say, or to talk about. It has been an interesting day…

Take care, God Bless

Pray Hard

Ciao