Hey

So this shift bid they are doing.. they aren’t taking the last 3 months after all.. just this month.. you know.. my worst month. So that fine… I’ll deal with that… I should get a good schedule anyway.

Anyway… oh.. I talked to Cal yesterday.. and… here were the responses.. from our meeting.

It bugs me that he never talks about people speeding.. like on the road and stuff… at least not often.. he thinks he does.. and try’s to … how do you say.. make little comments here and there, to keep it on the mind.

Anyway.. the real meat of the subjects… were of my friends.. and my life. They kinda go together… so here you go.

I talked to him about pretty much everything that went on with Emily.. he said that I should have probably done the Email in face,… instead of the email.. unless of course… the circumstance would only hold for the email or a phone call. He didn’t really give much feedback on the subject because he only really knew what I explained to him.. and we didn’t have enough time to go into great depths on the subject. So .. I told him about my friends in the past.. such as Jesse, and other friends that I’ve had.. that have… well.. just up and left. Its happened a few times to me.. and I explained it to him. He thinks there are hints as to why they’ve done it. Like in 8th grade my friends came up to me and told me that they weren’t going to be my friends anymore. My best friend said he did it because he was pretty much just using me and he didn’t need me anymore. I think the others just followed him.. but thats fine. He told me to look at the patterns..

I don’t know the hints.. .. the only hint may have been with Jesse and JJ, where when I came back from Portland they told me I was taking up too much of their time, and that it was time for me to ‘move on’ with other friends like they had. Okay.. so maybe I wanted to hang out with them too much.. but he said there are probably other hints. As for Emily it was concluded that she probably suck around as long as she did because she liked me… liked me. hah.. And that brought up more reason as to why I didn’t dilvulge every single thing to her.. didn’t want to give her the wrong impression. Thats that… So he told me to talk with some of my friends.. that I currently have.. maybe Cameron from before.. anyone who pretty much knows me well … or.. for that fact.. my old friends that I trust.. or can trust to give me a straight answer and to not sit and cut me down. Then for me to ask them.. basicly how I screwed up the friendship.. because it happend somewhere along the line and I just didn’t see it.. or pay attention to it.

Then my life… as far as my direction.. and me not having a clue what to do.. he said I shouldn’t be in school if I have no direction or any will or desire to be in the classes I was taking (which I lacked). Things he suggested is going back to McClintock (my old highschool) speaking with the counclers and maybe taking the assement tests to see where I would be best at.. one time I took it and got like a fireman type result. He encourages me to ask them why I got the results I got.. and further more.. to maybe take the test more than once.. and to go to MCC and talk to them about how I don’t really know what to do.. and to take it up with them.. to bascily say to them.. you’re the conculer… so council me. He also said I need to put more time and thought into what I want to do. I explained to him how I have researched things.. but I really dont have anything that I’d fit into.. but he kinda wrote it off as I didn’t put as much ‘deep thought’ on my part as I needed to.

It wasn’t the kind of information I was looking for.. infact I’ve spent lots of time.. worrying.. getting sick over what I’m going to do in my life.. looking at things.. looking at colleges.. thinking… looking into.. blah blah blah.. I’ve spent tons of time on this subject… because it is very important to me. I pretty much feel like I’m wasting my life by not being in school.. and .. I dont know.. he also told me about some niche class that I can take at the church .. where they can tell you what your gift is for. So where did the big anticipated meeting with Cal get me? Not a lot further than I was before. He also told me that bascicly I can do anything with my life and still be living for Christ.. pretty much anything.. from a city worker.. to a plumber.. doesn’t matter.

Fun fun fun…. so what now? I suppose in the next few weeks I will be trying to see about those ‘tests’ at MCC or I’ll call McClintock and see what (if anything) they could do. I don’t know… I dont think I’ll be back in school until August 05. Why you ask? I want to be out of debt, and to afford school. In the meantime.. we’ll see what happens.

hmm… alright im done… this is the song of the mood.. and of the day… Click here.

Take care, God Bless

Pray Hard.

..A very fusturated me