Anew

So, here I am.

Blogging away at the wee hours of the morning.  I can’t sleep…  I don’t really feel tired either.

As an update to my previous post about the job, I got the call.  I started a new job.

It was interesting to me because after waiting so long… the offer was considerably less than what was originally indicated.  Hey, that’s life.  I get it.  I started that job two weeks ago this coming Monday.  It just seems like time is pushing on by… even if just slowly.

Sigh.

I was curious.  When I pressed about the monetary value and why it was so little.. I was informed that they would not change the offer and that if I wasn’t interested they need to know now.  I told them I’d take the job – obviously.  I don’t like how they went about it.  During training someone had said something about it in and they told everyone that they could offer less due to the market being so bad – and given that they had “several hundred” applicants/interviews for this very position when they were seeking 5 people so the selected few were the “fortunate” ones.

My guess?  They picked the top of the top and kinda just screwed them over by letting them know (after they waited for an offer) they wouldn’t pay them what was originally indicated, and if they didn’t like it they would gladly move on.  Then they could keep going down the “yes- would hire” people list until they got to the 5 people they needed.  I mean that would explain pretty much everything.

When they made my offer it seemed as though the HR person was jumping at the bit to get me to turn down the offer.  Every chance they had, they’d let me know they were in control and I had to deal with it or move on.  Not a great experience.

To top it off, I requested some time off for this little thing called my wedding.  Now, I didn’t wait until this week to do so.  No, I went and spoke to the HR department on day 1 (giving them as much time as possible) given the fact that it is in August.  I see no problem with that.  Do you?

Oh wait, new hires can’t take any time off for the first 6 months.

6 months?

Really?

Wow.

I made the request but before I could even get done providing an explanation as to why I needed the time off, I was told that I should have let them know before I was hired.  She reiterated to me again “this is really something you should have been up front about, why didn’t you tell us?”  to my reply “August is some four months away and every other employer I have worked for has allowed for time off after 90 days at the max.  I never thought this would be an issue.  Plus- nobody asked me at any point if I would need time off in the future.”  Plus, I wasn’t going to volunteer information that would disqualify myself from an offer.  She replied with something along the lines that it would have been nice to know before an offer was made so they could make adjustments.

That’s my point.  haha

The request is in and I am waiting to hear back.  I had emailed once to check on the status but didn’t hear anything.  Emailed a second time and received an email stating that the request wasn’t likely to be approved anytime soon but they would contact me when they had more information.

I’ve asked others about it and from what I hear – I’d have to take a few occurrences for it (a written warning or so).  Plus possibly other things.

It has kinda been that sort of experience.  The whole thing, from start to finish.  To say that it is a little disappointing would be an understatement.

I go to work every day and I feel a constant pressure within my chest.  It feels like its bearing down on my heart.  Or in that general area.  The sensation doesn’t stop when I’m at home – and only slightly eases up on the weekend.  I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this emotional about a job.

I’ve not liked going in to work on previous jobs — but who hasn’t?  Typically once I am at work – things are better, easier and when at home.. I’m free = no hard feelings.  If I end up feeling sick to my stomach or anything its usually just in the mornings before I go in– but all day long?  Every day?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I feel discouraged.  Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t so much about the pay (I understood previously that I’d have to take a cut somewhere down the line) – it isn’t even so much about the position and lack of … whats the word?  Lack of…. confidence in performing the tasks I need to.  It is just a feeling.  I’ve tried to shake it off.

I pray and pray and pray.  I don’t know.  Did I mention that yet? 🙂

I thank God for every day I have.  I am grateful for where I am and the people that surround me (here and across the world).

Despite all of that, I have this feeling that I can’t shake.  I don’t know why.

I won’t keep mentioning this in future posts.  I just wanted to share with you at least once in a very honest look at my feelings surrounding this topic.

Anyway, in other news…

We have been getting a lot of feedback for invites to the wedding.  That’s good.  Every day is a day closer.

I also want to take a minute and address the Trail Blazers.

Dear Mr. Paul Allen

Or If anyone from their team reads this:

Please stop.  You really don’t need to try and win any more games this season.  You are only hurting us in the long run.  The best option now is to tank every game and get a better draft pick so we can build for the future.  You and I both know that a good portion of the team won’t even be with us in a few short months, so why make like any of it matters now?  Best case scenario (in the mind of dreamers) we make the playoffs.  Then what?  Knocked out first round or second to be sure.  Most likely in the first round.  SAY we won the championship (won’t happen) you’d have an asterisk (*) by that ring because this season will be remembered as a lockout season.  Again, let’s not waste our time.  Please stop trying to get immediate satisfaction and look towards the future.  We both know this is the best, now it is time to put the plan into action and start anew.

Sincerely – #1 Fan.

P.S.

I know you have a General Manager position open (who will need to make trades and do what is best for the team).  I am interested in this position and would even volunteer my services if needed.  If you take a look at my approval and disapproval of trades, you will see I can make the right decisions.  In addition the organization needs someone who is passionate about Blazers basketball.  That’s me.

P.S.S.

I’d also consider the head coach job that you have open.   However my preference is GM, I am sure we can work something out.

just Pray