Year: 2009

hey

so a lot has went on in the past week and few days. I have been pretty busy with things.

After I posted that huge blog on JJ not being around, having my doubts – he came through. In fact after everything that I said.. he made plans for that Sunday (the 24th). I gave him the jersey in a box that was wrapped in a shirt I have been meaning to give him. I put it in his car and he didn’t notice anything (because it was night). After he arrived home he texted me and thanked me for the gift. I could tell he really liked it.

That same night we sat inside a McDonald’s and I laid out my things I thought might be a problem for him. He reassured me on everything. The weather- he loves. Rain? He can handle. His friends? He wants new friends – apparently he has discovered that many of his “friends” really weren’t friends at all.

He has told me that him finding a job won’t be an issue. He can handle having a job he doesn’t like in a area he loves rather than a job that is OK in an area he hates.

The apartment? Utilities? He wants everything to be in our name. Not just me, but him and myself. His social and mine. That too was a relief. I let him see an apartment I was looking at and he liked it. We contacted the office (my mom did) and got things set up for an application.

The application hit a snag. JJ has a littering charge on his record- the apartment office wanted more information on it. He had to go to the courts and get a detailed report. Now that he turned it in – they let us know we have been approved. We are signing a 1 year lease that starts on May 18th 2009.

Things finally start to seem to be coming around. I am starting to feel like things are set in place. I will have enough money for at least 6 months before I have to have a job. I plan on getting one within a week or two that I am in the area.

I am letting very few people know about any of these events. Brandy has stopped talking to my recently.. and I feel … neutral about it. JJ has already quit his job and is ready to move when I am. My last day will be May 15th – and if you can believe it – he will have more money saved than me. Money! Ah yes, the final topic.

I want to live simply. I don’t want my life to revolve about how much I make or in keeping up with the Jones’ – it is rather enjoying. I would rather be loving life and living for God. Anyone who knows me.. knows that I want to make an impact on the homeless community in Portland. Living a simple life should help.

As for my soon to be roommate.. as much as JJ doesn’t have a profound faith – he wants to live a simple life- not all about money. He doesn’t like becoming all about what he can get, but rather lives he can touch in the process.

That is all I have to say about it for now.

This weekend was good. I had the opportunity to hang out with Hilary… she wasn’t sure she should be hanging out with me (as I will soon be moving) but she did anyway. We had fun even if we didn’t do much.

Otherwise I watched the Blazers win their third game straight by twenty or more. The first time since 1992- Rip City!

Lots of birthday’s this month. Rebecca (8th), Stacy (17th), Hilary (19th), Deniece (23rd) just to name a few.

just Pray.

hey

so I haven’t blogged much. I have been going through xanga and deleting a lot of posts.. I have kept a few. I think that site will be to keep a few… of what I see as good posts. The rest will be deleted. It will take some time to go through all of the posts. Besides, anyone who reads that now.. well.. they won’t find out anything much about me. Maybe just that some random person occasionally had a deep blog every few months.

It was my parents 33rd anniversary on Friday.. and JJ’s 26th birthday yesterday.

So… I have been feeling ungrateful lately and I don’t know why. Not so much in one thing or another. It is an overall feeling. I do have much to feel and be grateful for. I don’t think by typing these things out it will help my case any. I know what they are. It is just something with my attitude. I think I’ll start praying about it.

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately… is moving. And everything involved with that. If it is finding a job, or anything. A big thing though has been my friend JJ moving. If he will and if he does, if he will be able to handle it. He goes out almost every night- he has friends who want to hang out with him. Not a little – but a lot. If I bring this up to him he tells me that it isn’t what it seems. Yet year after year these same people are in his life. His friends like Patrick and others will always be there for him.

Yes they come with drama and some baggage- but who doesn’t?

I don’t know. I do think that if he moves to Portland it may not be everything he has mapped out in his head. He wants big changes in his life.. but is starting fresh from a friend perspective one of them? I wish I could say, but I have this nagging feeling that he will miss these things and soon return to them. Maybe even to the lifestyle he is living. I don’t think this is the best thing for him – but it isn’t about what I want or what I think is best for him.

I have tried to hang out with him recently and he has been too busy with other people. Even to come over for a little. Since Emily’s birthday last month I have been trying to find a time for JJ to come over (somewhat close to his birthday) so he could pick up his present. He hasn’t had time. After work, on the weekend.. on days off.. doesn’t matter. I don’t think he is doing it on purpose… but it still doesn’t feel very good. I got himself and Emily both jerseys that they had previously said they wanted. Customized Jerseys… now a gift that I had well in advance (a month or so) will be late. In a last attempt (yesterday was his birthday) I texted him asking him if I could come to his work. He replied back a few hours later saying that he wasn’t at work but was in a place with poor reception. Okay, … I give in.

I have also tried to get him over so we can talk about apartments. And as far as that goes who will be signing on the dotted line? I mean who will be main person on the lease? He has told me that whatever I set up will be fine. On that same token I do not want to be the one signing the lease – getting everything set up – doing all the work….. I just don’t think that is fair. I know life isn’t fair, but this is supposed to be a move that we both want to make. I just wish it would start to seem that way.

Will it happen? I ask myself that. I ask myself that a lot. I don’t know. I want so badly to be moving out. I want to find a good job and to start a new era in my life. Somehow there are all these areas of grey thick fog and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. I am making plans to move as of the beginning of May. If need be I have promised myself to move out (just myself) by the end of May – yes up to Portland.

I just wish life had an easy button. Easy decisions… no worries. Hakunamatata type of a deal.

I have been thinking that in a few months I might make this blog public again, just because most of the people who were reading my blog before have given up. In addition – my personal domain will be expiring – and I will not renew the contract for jshox.com

so in my history I have had..

i2kdigital.net
shoxwave.com
jshox.com

all spanning from 1998 to 2009… and I think that will be it for me. If I do get a domain in the future I am sure it will be for my blog alone. Who really needs to know what my other links are on the web? And my poetry is that of the past.

I’ve got to get going and reply to some of these texts.

just Pray

Hey

So over the past few weeks that I haven’t blogged.. I have thought much about blogging, just really haven’t made the time to do so.

I’ve worked, 20 days straight… and 25 of 27 days

In those 20 days I worked 196 hours.

In one week I worked 82 hours, then 90 the following week.

Its been a time to set some records for time worked, days worked straight.. and I can say that those won’t be broken any time soon.

Payroll called our center, talked to my manager, the director and her manager to make sure the hours on my timecard were correct.

Why work all that time? Well.. I didn’t have anything better to do. But I think that more sleep would have helped during the whole process.

On the 20th day I was on my second day of running a fever, so I decided to take Sunday off (before returning to work on Monday). On Monday I started to lose my voice, and by Tuesday had lost it completely. My manager told me to take Wednesday off and I worked Thursday and Friday with a whisper as my voice. I have been able to rest this weekend and my voice has came back a lot more than it was. This next week our team will probably have mandatory overtime (because everyone else refused to work it).. so I will be working overtime, just not at the rate I was.

On last Saturday (the last day of my overtime worked) I received an email from one of the managers on the floor. It said:

Jason,
I thinks it time you joined me at a Workaholics anonymous seminar,
Free coffee, doughnuts, red vines, and on occasion jalapeno pizza.
Seminars are held at my desk W-Saturday 5am – 5pm
If interested, Please RSVP
Lorenzo Perez | Member Services Manager | LifeLock® – #1 In Identity Theft Protection
480.000.0000 Direct | 480.000.0000 Cell | Lorenzo.Perez@LifeLock.com

I thought it was funny. I had to reply.

Subject: RE: WA meetings
I would come if I could,
But the meetings are untimely
I’ll be a few steps away at my desk.. working.

Fitting.. I thought.

My manager has been crazy happy that I worked so much overtime, treating us out to lunch, personally thanking me for working the projects (that helped her make her deadline) and getting me a gift certificate.

I am planning on moving in the beginning of May. I have sent an email to my manager asking if I can move to a work at home agent. I hope that is an option as I would stay with this company if possible. However, they have been phasing the at home agents out… so… I don’t think it is a true possibility.

I have asked JJ if he is ready to move by May- he said he will be more than ready. Good thing they offered overtime, because I am ahead of the game for my finances… and also very ready to move.

So much has past in the last month.
It was Emily’s Birthday on Feb 24th..
And since I’ve posted the Blazers have played 12 games, winning 8 of those 12.

In the next week it will be my parents 33rd anniversary and JJ’s 26th birthday.

So much to do, so little time.

Alas, I’m out of time.

just Pray.

All star weekend.
My brothers birthday.

Once again another year has came and past for these events. The all star weekend was held in Phoenix this year. I went to the NBA Jam Session. Honestly I was expecting more.

All of the news reports said it was going to be great, but when I arrived I was very much underwhelmed by everything. On top of it all, there was hardly anything Blazers in the whole event.

Speaking of the Blazers- they have been on a bit of a break due to the All Star weekend- tonight they resume and will host the Memphis grizzlies.

What else has been going on?

At work I have been learning all about the billing department. It is a good change– it is a little overwhelming at times due to the amount of information given all at once, but I think it will be good.

If anything it will be something else I can add to my resume on places and areas I have worked. They are actually expanding at my work (while most other jobs are laying off or cutting back). They just hired 10 more billing agents, plus phone reps, a manager and director. Always good to be expanding during these times.

The realization that we will never have the girls is not really something I think that I’ll ever feel. With the whole matter that they were never really in our lives consistently, I do not believe it will – stir as much drama as it could have.

It is a very weird if you stop and think about it.
Anywho.

On the good news … my 23,000 of student loans will be paid off in March. It wasn’t a total of 23,000 because at one point I even owed my parents about 5 thousand (that my loans would not pay). So 28,000 has been paid down to a couple thousand. And next month I will be in the black (not the red) thankfully.

At this point I just want the time to come so I am no longer in debt. I know it’ll happen, just a matter of when – not if.

The NBA trade deadline is tomorrow.. so if any major news comes down I’ll probably return here to blog about it a bit.

just Pray.
(I accidentally typed just Pay – and thought of the student loans. haha)

More Lows.

At work they are putting together more ways to track our every movement. Implamenting them as soon as this coming week. So every minute on the job will be watched- if you are not producing, you should hear something about it. Micomanagement… Oh how I loathe you.

I was working on that project that should have lasted 2 or 3 weeks. I trained other people to do it and we ended up finishing up in less than a week!

I don’t feel like I care about work. I could up and quit and be happy about it. Jeff – someone I work with got the worker of the month award. This guy does good things for our team, but overall he wastes his time and complains about his job. Always up and away from his desk, taking personal phone calls or maybe getting more coffee. His numbers are always meeting and he makes sure they get nothing more than that.

Sure. Okay.

Blazers lost tonight, they also lost to Dallas on Wednesday. They have been down by 3 or 4 quaters (each night in each game) so.. overall we have deserved these losses. When we came back from 20 down against New Orleans I thought we had righted the ship. I suppose not. Ugh, all that hard work will be gone if we don’t start to win.

One commercial I saw during the game was pretty good.. (see below)

Jesus would also be on that commercial, but for obvious reasons (media, other religons – not wanting to offend anybody) it is left off.

Anyway, it is something I had long thought about – but to see it put together like this does some justice.

just Pray.