hey,

so they have this workout room in our apartment complex. JJ and I worked out today for an hour – I went about 3 miles. that’s not too bad….

I called management about the parking spots they promised to us- they gave us a few to choose from- but all of them were quite far from where our building was. We are going to pass on them.

Yesterday we went to pre-screen “Away we go” – it was a pretty good movie. It was kind of a trip in the past for me. It was the same movie theatre that Amanda and I went to see “Jesus Camp” back in 2006- this was my first time back.

So while we were walking amongst people downtown JJ was booking it like a rocket, keeping his head ducked down – he looked like someone was chasing him, or as if he were intimidated by someone. I yelled ahead to him to slow down. Then I asked him what was up. He said “I don’t like hippies” so I told him “then you won’t like Portland” – he replied “I know”.. hmm little hints here and there. Also on his myspace he status was: Depressed.

He made an effort tonight, he went out to some local bar and is trying to meet new people. Good.. I’m glad he is. Maybe he will meet some people he likes- or maybe he’ll hate them. At least he is making the effort. Effort.. yes, that’s the word.

I over heard a conversation (because when the TV isn’t on it is pretty dead quiet) and he said to whoever he was talking to- that he does most of the work around here. It was news to me. That he has to get everything done. I found that comment to be quite insulting. I know he could have said it as a defence mechanism, but there is also a chance he really believes that. I do the dishes, I have been keeping the place clean. I’m the one with a bill of $1000 worth of stuff he hasn’t paid for. I don’t know, maybe I don’t get it. Let see, I: called about repairs to be done on the apartment, drive everywhere… even treat him to dinner once in a while. I feel so selfish writing this all out- I just think its unfair. Your response is “life is unfair” yeah I get it.

So speaking of that.. job hunting is going swell. I don’t know where to begin. I’ve sent out anywhere from 75 to 100 applications to different businesses and I have gotten nil responses. Zip, zero, nada. It is rather concerning for me. As much of a career that I don’t have– I at least have made some headway in my responsibilities and pay. I started off at 7/hr and at LifeLock was making 14.20/hr. I started pushing carts- then cashier which led to guest services. Then I went to a call center, and routed calls.. then did technical support. Then at LifeLock I wasn’t on the phones at all. Rather I did special projects for the company, I helped in billing, I did many administrative tasks. Now it looks like I might have to take a job where I will be pushing carts again? I can’t do that to myself…

That’s my dilemma. It has taken me years to get where I’m at- but on the other hand it looks like if I don’t take some crappy low paying job I will have no other alternative but to move back to Arizona and resume life with my old job. I don’t really want to do that either….

I also would like a job that has either Friday, Saturday OR Sunday off so I can go visit Michael…

I have expressed interest in getting involved in a “Life group” at Living Hope Church (like a bible study). My only holdup is that I don’t know where I’ll be working, so I can’t particularly keep driving to Vancouver (45 min away) using gas -spending money just by going when I don’t even have a job yet. Then when I do get a job I’m not sure my schedule will permit it (with the hours being worked).

I am at some sort of crossroads, big or small.. they seem massive. I thought my biggest crossroad would be the act of moving up here. Think again… I was totally wrong.

So I said that JJ left tonight.. and with him out of the apartment, I feel rather lonely. We didn’t talk when he was here, I mean – our conversations have been somewhat limited. I guess it is just the act of someone being here. I look through my phone book and don’t even know who I could tell this to (a friend I mean so they could come, or we could make plans). Nope, it’s just me and this cool dark apartment.

On a lighter note…

I am going to be attending Amanda’s wedding this Saturday. She doesn’t know I am going, but then I don’t want to spring that on her with everything else she has going on. I had originally got a “save the weekend” card, but never heard anything more from that.

I think I feel confident enough to go to the place and sit, or conversate with people I may not know well, or at all. At least, that is what’s going to happen. We’ll see how it turns out.

Bed seems like a good idea about now.

just Pray