hello.
So today at work was alright. It was pretty busy up until about noon.. at that point it got really quiet. They VTO’d a few people.. not me. But I didn’t care because I only had an hour left anyway.
I walked in from work and I saw my brother – or at least the back of his head. First time I’ve seen him in days. Yeah he wants to move out.. pretty badly. Mostly isn’t at home at all.. feels he needs a break from us. (us being the family) We don’t know what the heck is going on in his life – and he likes it that way. He didn’t get the job promotion that he wanted. His friend did – and now is his boss. He didn’t bother to tell his family about it – instead we heard about it when his boss (friend) called us. He told us that Michael doesn’t perform well.. because he is always fighting with his brother (apparently that’s me.) I think Michael paints a far cry from the truth to Anyone who will listen. And he can do that.. he is a great Salesman. He could trick people to sell their soul for a bottle of wine… and make them think they were making the biggest and best investment ever. Ah well.. that’s just his ways isn’t it?
My dad spoke to him a few nights about as to how to use his money (because he can’t seem to save any money, always blowing it on things like. 150 dollars on a phone card…) and his boss said he and my dad had a ‘blow up’. Yep.. I never knew things like that were a blowup. What a jerk. What nerve does his ‘friend’ have calling here and telling us to not make Michael mad so he can perform better at work. Oh Heaven forbid he be mad.. or upset. You know what? He doesn’t want to be a part of our family. Why? I don’t know.. maybe we smell? maybe were just not good to him.. he doesn’t accept our love.. and he doesn’t want any part of it. So what are we supposed to do? We let him be.. let him do things his way.. and mostly on his terms… within reason that is.
Funny thing is.. Michael was telling his Boss.. his friend that we wanted him and his boss to go to church. Not only Michael – oh now, but now we want but his friend going too. Oi… Up until last week my brother was upholding a deal that he made with my parents when he moved in almost a year ago. That was – he can move in but he has gotta go to church with us. He ‘hates’ going. So my parents said he didn’t have to go anymore. It was brought up in a conversation with his friend about how we wanted him to go too.. (of course Michael told him his)
Ah well. he wants to move out. Maybe its better if he moves out soon. Its tiring having to deal with it all the time. If he could for once care about his family and the state of the relationship with us more than he does about his friends that would be nice. Why do I say that? His boss… said that he was depressed about the possibility of moving. Yeah really? He has a funny way of showing it. As far as spending the money? His boss said that he just spends his money when he is depressed.. he said he was like him. Good. great 🙂
So my brother shall move out. Hopefully not to go and burn bridges like so many other times before. Hopefully one day he will want a relationship with his family, and embrace us and the relationship that he COULD be having but DOESN’T WANT. How the heck do you paint yourself to be the ‘black sheep’ in the family.. if you are the one holding the paint and the brush.. then when as a family we go to wash away the paint – he starts running away while everyone else is trying to Love him as he is?
I don’t care. Anyone can read this. What do I have to hide? Nothing. It bugs me.. Big time. And it bugs me more that the look on his face is so Freaking Glazed over all the time.. it bugs the crap outa me! I’m not sayin any more about it. Its done. Its over.
I’m done. I’m not going to rant any more… but I needed to say what I said.
Matthew 15:10-20
10Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. 11What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean.’ ”
12Then the disciples came to him and asked, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?”
13He replied, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. 14Leave them; they are blind guides.[e] If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.”
15Peter said, “Explain the parable to us.”
16“Are you still so dull?” Jesus asked them. 17“Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean.’ 19For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20These are what make a man ‘unclean’; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him ‘unclean.’ “
Pray for me.. that I can somehow find more paitence… without letting my tounge slip while speaking to him… maybe silence is the key.
God Bless. goodbye.