hey
So tonight there was thunder, and lightening too… It rained! (you saw it coming didn’t you)
So yep.. I wrote last night… cuz I haven’t in a while.. and felt like I needed to.
Boiler
My heart is pounding
I’m on the edge of my words, in the tip of this sinking ship.
I need you.
A missing pin from a track can de-rail trains.
Birds cause an airplane to crash..
Pets cause car accidents…
I am weak, and a wreck, yet I am he, who’s has the pin, the cage, and the leash
But fails to see anything coming.
Take the mask of complacency, place it over my heart
For scarred and broken, and untrusting isn’t someone to be.
Help me not be lost in your sea of wonder
These roots of mine are weak and thin
And yours are so strong and divine, let them stretch deep within me
Further than before, making peace out of my civil war.
Show everyone the true reality of who I am.
But in my minds eye I am but a failure
On my own terms, with my own re guard and guidelines.
This filth that I have made my skin, I ask for a change of body, a change of life – change me..
And I surrender.. under your grace and love.
I’m on the edge of this vengeful world,
Hanging on the sharp edge of its persuasive word
Fighting with its morals and systems.
How awesome are you…
Who use the weak to lead the strong.
My world keeps spinning, but if I didn’t struggle to keep my balance,
Then I wouldn’t depend as much on you.
I want you
My face fills with blood, pounding from the pressure.
Veins are seen working overtime, and a fire explodes in my eye
I burn for you.
Meeting you in this place, to see the face of my embrace.
How I am lost within your presence.
How your love makes sense to the senseless, I may never know.
I Love you Lord.
Hold me tightly within your arms.
Poem by J.A.D. © 2005
And uhhh.. I’m going add that to my poetry site within the next few minutes.
I haven’t felt like hanging out with anyone recently.. haven’t felt like being on the phone… because I don’t feel like… I dunno. Sometimes like I don’t have anyone to talk to. I understand I have people who will listen. I don’t want that.. that bugs me. I want someone to Talk with. I have nobody right now – this is broadcast to all my friends. Whenever I tell my friends anything they’re like ‘wow, really?… I never …”
Having a phone full of numbers, a head full of conversation, and a lack of source that’s needed.
Nah.. just forget it. Don’t even worry about me.. I’ll compress it… divulge,.. digest it all and everything will be good and we’ll move on.
Anyway.. other than that.. I’ve been doing pretty well. I didn’t play basketball tonight, I stayed home, Blazers played and lost to the Pacers, it was close up til the last minute.
Bible study for tonight was canceled due to Madison having Pink-eye (Andy’s daughter)
That’s it for me..
I think I’m going to watch the City Of Angels.. my brother bought it for me for Christmas, and I haven’t watched it yet. So why not now… who cares if its almost 1am?
Goodnight! Take care, God Bless.
Ciao
PS – I was thinking about it while watching the movie that is currently playing (COA) and I think that maybe I invest myself into others too much, therefore taking away the lack of needing to talk to people, because people are in constant need to talk to me. No longer having someone to check up on me, rather I am the one doing the checking… Ultimately I think this is my conclsion as to why I have this problem. I’m not so sure if I’m the one that did this.. or if it has happened as time has progressed, and I’m not so sure if its an automatic thing that going on. Did I start to close myself off to others, or was I simply always unopen? I know a timeframe of events I can think of, I do believe… well.. I think this is the first time I’ve realized it – if recent memory serves correctly.. – alright back to the movie.