this is now public for everyone to see.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

So this is my other xanga, only very few people will read this one.. compared to the last.

I’ve felt disconnected lately. It hasn’t really been that fun.. I mean…

I feel like I want to get on my knees, and break over sideways, just have my soul pour out the fist that is pressing against my chest.

Oh its tough to live with, sometimes I wonder how many days I can keep pushing things off, how much longer I can do things the way they are.

Sometimes I wonder my meaning.. of why I go to church, is it to see someone? Is it to do something else? Whats the real meaning? Why do I react to life? Why am I not making the actions, why am I living by them?

Its a lot to think about. Its a lot to deal with.

Should I move.. should I stay? Should I say something – should I bite my tounge?

What should I do?

I had a good conversation tonight reguarding faith based stuff. Orien from work, who happens to be Gay, and of the Pagan belief.. just challanges things. Its good.. but I feel so… out of it. My goodness.. I try to pick my words and my fights. It was good.. it made me realize that I need to do more..

More to understand.. more to comprehend.. more… to feel.

I liked the conversation even tho I wasn’t having any big part in it. I shun from talking about certain things at certain places due to the fact, that I know some people dont want to hear about it. Tonight was kinda different. I used the whole ‘if you had the cure for cancer would you tell the world?’ thing.

John 14 verse 6? I’m trying to remember places in the bibles and what all is going on and in the context things are being said. I’m not sure how things will turn out… in any matter. I was in the conversation and I started to get sad. How sad is it.. to hear people reject the Lord God Almighty. My goodness.. it is Right infront of their eyes! Why can’t they see it! It makes me sad.

So Ive been quiet tonight, and I think I’m going to continue to play The Calling – Wherever You Will Go

Goodnight