You’ve been on my mind lately
Sky Stars and Sea Clouds
It appears as if the last few days I have been wearing my heart on my sleeve. My emotions are more than apparent… they are displayed for everyone to see. This is very uncharacteristic for me. I can’t help but smile in adornment as I see his smile. I am desperately trying to avoid any attraction to him. He can’t even know. Though I’m sure that he already does. He must. I swoon. But if by some miracle he hasn’t noticed I pray that he never does. I have no intention of making him uncomfortable, of disrupting his life. He’s too beautiful for that. I’m not talking about the physical beauty (though he has that too)… he’s just an overall beautiful person. I think that’s what makes it more difficult. I wish it were easy. I am devoted to walking away. To pushing it behind. I feel crazy. He fills my thoughts and I try to void them. And for half a second I think I do… but then I catch a glimpse of those glassware eyes. Who knows maybe they just reflect my own. But I don’t want him on my mind. I can’t have him there. I have other topics that should be dressing my thoughts. I have issues that should be lacing my mind. He is just a distraction. So please somebody help me… I really do need to sew my heart back in my chest. I hate wearing it on my sleeve! The transparency is killing me.
And as for life it general I must admit that it is quite tolerable. I enjoy living it on most days. I am happy to be alive. I am happy to be living out my calling and using my talents to the best of my ability. I thrive knowing that these minutes aren’t being wasted… they are being inspired. And when I die, and someday I will… I know that I will have lived a good life. Even if it happens to be tomorrow. I know that my life was not lived in vain.
Alright here I go… I’m falling asleep listening to a distant train. I should already be asleep. Afteral I have a belt test tomorrow.
Two Days and It will Be a YEAR
A year ago two days from now I graduated college. I feel like I should celebrate. Have a glass of wine and toast the world. Maybe take a trip and see some waves. I don’t know. What an odd and strange accomplishment… something they all said I could never do. I don’t know… I just feel like there is a need for celebration. Maybe I’ll get all dressed up and go out with some of the girls… I dunno. Hmmm. Maybe I’m just being nostalgic or something. It’s such a strange sensation … To finally understand and comprehend that the last 5 years of my life have flown on by. It’s hard to believe that 24 is right around the corner. It’s hard to believe that I have finished 4 years of college and still don’t seem to be doing much with my life. It almost seems like another 3 would be a breeze. Maybe not so easy… but certainly very quick. I can’t believe how quickly the last ones went by. All of those late night walks and random beach trips during finals week… all those times we snuck out passed curfew to grab crispy cremes and Starbucks… Delta Retreats… Service Projects… Dignity Village… Portland Broadway… The Flying Dutchman… Ball Pit fights in the dorm room… dropping to the floor and army crawling to the room just so no one would see us but laughing histarically at the end… trips downtown… hours in Powells… Winter Formal at the Crystal Ballroom… All School Retreat out at Camp Yamhill… oh the zipline…. watching bands at the Roseland… All nighters at the Cafe… Dancing under the stars… midnight hikes up Mt. Tabor…directing shows over in the Rehearsal Hall… Choir Tour (singing at Old Faithful)… Creation West… road trips to California ….. Emo Pony… My little Shakespeare… yellow roses to cheer people up… cherry blossoms each spring… Swimming in the Delta Fountain…. Oh the random but beautiful memories. College was good wasn’t it!