Well it’s been an interesting journery. The last 3 weeks I have cut out bad for me things and started working out. I started at 2-3 days a week because my body seems to get injured easily. Sadly I have lost zero pounds. It’s hard because I don’t have workout buddies here and I’ve gained SO much weight! I really want to look nice on my wedding day but am having a difficult time sheding the pounds!
Old me versus new me…..
Well I can’t say that Phoenix has been all bad… Some good things have come from being here. For one… Jason and I have set a date for our wedding. In order to do this I have set a goal to lose some weight. I am hoping that I can lose enough weight to make myself feel confident again. I have had a few issues in that department since I’ve gained so much weight in the last couple of years. Mostly though I worry for my health as I know what my family history is. I have a genetic line weaved with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart disease. I need to believe that taking care of myself is important. Once upon a time I loved working out. I no longer have those cravings and desperatly hope that I can somehow dig deep down and find them again. It’s going to take a lot of work and it’s not going to be easy… But I do believe that it is possible. Those cravings as dormant as they might be, are still there.
While I was in California I tried a taekwondo class in hopes of spiking the excitement I once had. Instead I found myself ultimately disappointed. The place looked great on the outside, had a lot of trophies but when I went there I could feel the lack of heart. I desperately missed my old school and remembered how dedicated my old teammates were. The cost of that school was over $200 a month and I felt like I was getting less than a fraction of the training I had been getting in Oregon. I wasn’t challenged and I wasn’t corrected. When the instructor evaluated me he gave me a 9 out of 10. He offered to let me skip 3 belts and continue my training. I felt cheated. I scored myself at maybe a 4 out of 10 due to my lack of training. It was a waste of energy even showing up. I had no intention of returning.
I arrived in Arizona a week ago. I had no desire to return to Arizona but found myself blessed to come across a free trial. They even let me wear my Choi’s uniform. Just watching a class for a few minutes lifted my spirit as I saw the grandmaster lecturing on how to do a proper turn back kick. 2 days later I started my first trial class… It hurt so bad! My flexibility during stretching was atrocious… As my muscles had become Unyeildingly bound from the lack of attention in the last couple years. I was clearly out of shape! I hated every minute of that class. I lost my breath, I felt sick to my stomach, and I didn’t really want to keep going… But I did anyway. I gave it every ounce of energy my body had left in it. At the end of the hour my arms collapsed under exhaustion and I could not hold myself up for pushups. The next day I was in so much pain that I had trouble getting off the couch and getting plates from the cupboards for dinner. I didn’t really want to go back… I thought maybe I had gotten too old for this. But 2 days later I went back anyway. I walked into class and we lined up… I felt honored as they let me long up in my belt rank position. Then it was time to gear up… For sparring. I will admit that I was a little scared. I didn’t think I was anywhere close to ready. I certainly didn’t feel prepared but I did it anyway. We got in our ready positions and then we started sparring. The people in the class were pretty amazing to learn with and it felt absolutely wonderful to kick again. This school restored a glimmer of the love I one had. Now… If I can just take these tiny sparks and kindle a fire!
Well since I quit Tae Kwon Do almost a year ago I have gained over 30 pounds. I’ve tried diets in the past and to be honest they just don’t work. Diets are dumb. However, I do know that changing ones lifestyle does work. Because my family has a history of being overweight, having horrible metabolism, diabetes, high cholesterol, heart disease, and the works… I set out to find something that would work.
Each body type is different so why would people all try to diet the same? It’s crazy to think that every type of body is going to react the same when they are all designed a little differently. Not to mention how different each lifestyle is from house to house. Again I cannot stress how dumb it is to diet… for anyone.
I set out to speak with doctors, nutritionists, personal trainers, and athletes. Many of them said the exact same things… each body is different, crash diets are the devil, and that if someone really wants to lose weight and keep it off they have to change their lifestyle.
I had to figure out how to change my lifestyle. Not eating just made me hungry all of the time and I wasn’t losing weight. I became cranky and didn’t feel well. I became lethargic, lost interest in doing anything physical, and just wanted to nap all of the time. What I didn’t know was that my body thought I was starving and was trying to protect me. When I would eat it would save all of the fat. I wasn’t starving… I was overweight but my body didn’t pick up on that. On top of that what I learned was I was messing with my blood sugar. When I would skip meals my blood sugar would get really low, then when I would finally eat it spiked my blood sugar for a short time until it fell again. My body was constantly experiencing spikes and drops in blood sugar. This made me feel exhausted, grumpy, and still hungry. Skipping snacks and meals has never worked for me.
I even tried the diet where all you do is not eat after dinner. After dinner I could have water or coffee or juice but nothing solid. I found myself tossing and turning at night. I thought I had severe insomnia. When I talked to my doctor about this she said that my body was hungry. When I asked her what to do about it she said that I need to change the kinds of food that I eat… not the amount. Ouch. I was doing everything wrong.
This is when I sought out a nutritionist. My nutritionist said that I had to find my metabolic type. When I finally discovered that my metabolic type was Protein Type I was shocked. For a while I had even tried to be a vegetarian but it didn’t work out. I also learned that the reason I was always so hungry was because the very thing I needed the most was what I was cutting out. I continued to shrug it off because of finances.
Then I started Tae Kwon Do. I went from not wanting to eat… to wanting to eat all of the time. I was constantly eating and not gaining any weight. I did martial arts for 2 1/2 years and lost a lot of fat. I went from having a BMI of 30 to a BMI of 16. My body was muscular and fit. I had a lot of energy and I was eating whatever I wanted.
Working out played a huge role in my “weight loss” plan. I placed “weight loss” in quotation marks because once I lost the weight and started gaining muscle I began gaining weight. I went from 130 to 115 and then from 115 to 125. I was all muscle. But I had also completely changed my lifestyle. I was eating a lot of protein (not always meat) and it gave me energy. I was living off of my metabolic type and it was working.
Well… life is a funny thing and sometimes we go a little off path. A year ago I quit doing martial arts and changed my diet entirely. In December of 2010 I got on the scale to see that I weighed 147 with a BMI of 32. 147 was the highest I had ever been. Silly me… I thought I should start dieting. So for the past month or so I’ve attempted to diet. I once again found myself being hungry all of the time. I have had trouble sleeping again. I’ve become exhausted and moody.
Today I got online and began doing research on dieting… changes in lifestyle, stress, etc. AND it HIT ME! Everything I was reading I already knew. I already knew that dieting was dumb. I already knew that processed foods, hydrogenated oils, and man made chemicals were preventing my liver from breaking down food normally. I already knew that I had to find a plan that could be tailored to my body and my lifestyle… and I already knew that I had to look at my personal metabolic type and try something that fit me. WHeeW. Now how many times do I have to learn something before I actually stick to it? And now where do I start.
It seems like there are a lot of people out there who have the answers and don’t know how to apply them. So consider today DAY 1… of trying not to be stupid. Let’s see if I can get back down to 115-120! And do it without being hungry all of the time. I’ve done it before… so I know I can do it again!
