Portland Oregon

Estoy jugando con las palabras

In Family, Learning, Portland Oregon, process, Rosemary by admin / April 27, 2013 / No comments

Well I’ve been back from Oregon for a week officially now. My girls are growing up so quickly. I can hardly believe Rosie is 5! I can hardly believe that Sophie has been here for 5… almost 6 months! It’s crazy. I am so excited that I am an auntie of so many. I wish that I was able to see the other kids more often. I wish their parents would send me photos and that I got to hangout with them when I came to visit. I miss the kids most. They are so wonderful to be around. I love hanging out with each of them. And I hate not having enough time to hangout with each and everyone of them. I wish I had a decent job and I could be a better auntie but as for now that’s just not the way the cards have been dealt. Someday I know things will be easier.

My trip in Oregon was busy. I spent a great portion of my time with Angel and the girls. It was really nice being able to spend time with them. I also got to see some of my other nieces and nephews at Rosie’s 5th Birthday. Ahhh I could have hugged them forever. At this stage they are still forgiving. I got to see Domi again. We hungout for lunch. It’s good to see her so happy and to catch up. I also hung out with Jacquee a little. Wish that she would have had time off but I just missed her spring break so I didn’t get as much time with her as I would have liked. And before I knew it my visit was over.

Before I knew it I was back in the Seattle Airport waiting for my plane to board. Getting through security was tighter than normal but it wasn’t as horrible as people were saying. I waited and then I boarded. When I sat down a nice Doctor was beside me. I didn’t know he was a doctor at first but he seemed very interesting. It may have been my love for the study of the brain and his book about neurons that made him interesting. I was nervous but I asked him about his book anyway. I don’t know why I’ve been so shy lately. My old self would have struck up a conversation immediately with anyone who was next to me. Well once I mustered up the courage to ask about his book I found out we had a bit in common. Some other man came along and the nice Doctor had accidently sat in his seat. The nice man let the good Doctor stay so we could continue to converse. It was a nice flight with a nice conversation.

Jay and I had talked about the possibility of school before I met the nice doctor but my research on the topic had overwhelmed me. I do not have research experience so getting into a clinical program looked next to impossible. It still kind of does. The nice Doctor had suggested that I look into occupational therapy and so I have been. But I’ve also been looking into speech therapy and other avenues as well. I’m not sure I’ll ever go back to school. I’m not sure I’m as cerebral as I once was. But I have been re-teaching myself algebra and vocabulary for fun. I never thought I could like math but I am kind of starting to enjoy it. I always thought I was bad at it. The truth is that I over think it… and I complicated math. It’s not as complicated as I make it. Regardless I’ve made a game out of it and I have been enjoying my “math” time. I’ve also made it a priority to play fewer regular games on my phone. Many of them I have replaced with math games, vocabulary games, and anatomy games. They are challenging and thrilling in their own ways. Much to my surprise I like playing with words and numbers.

As for everything else it’s been pretty normal. I need to get back into the swing of things and start my walking routine again. I’d like to do a cleanse and maybe cut down on my sugars and starches but who knows if I’ll actually find the motivation to do it. We’ll see.

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In Beauty, Liberation, loss, my photos, OREGON, people, photography, places I love, Portland Oregon, Prayer, process, relaizations, Rose City, the questions are the answers by admin / January 19, 2013 / No comments

Oh Portland, City that I love,

I missed you more than you could possibly imagine. The memories that we have are paramount. Though I was able to visit briefly I remember why I loved you so. I remember your overcast skies that so beautifully tinted the world around me like a safety goggle secured over sensitive eyes. I remember smiles from strangers, walks downtown, chats with new friends, drives with old friends. But there is one thing that I forgot while I was away, a sense of home. I landed in your radiant city on a tiny little jet plane from somewhere south. I keep trying to convince myself that this new place could be my new home. But as my tiny feet hit the tarmac that Saturday afternoon I felt the one thing that I haven’t felt in quite sometime… I felt home. The adjustment was somewhat strange at first perhaps even a foreign memory of a repressed old feeling. I was skeptical of the caress of familiarity and it took me an hour or so before I recognized what it was. I simply felt home. In the arms of an old friend who greeted me even when I was at the worst. The memories embraced me like a warm childhood blanket on a cold winter day. Secure. Safe. Home. I was home. I had no idea how much I missed my grey skies or my fluffy green trees. Or that cold mountain. Memories… ten by ten they flooded in like the rouge river herself. Glitter on the sidewalks, brilliant bridges high and low, and family (biological and adopted). Leaving my beautiful city wasn’t easy. So I plugged my headphones in and listened to “Painting Pictures of Egypt” just one more time and then another. The theme song of my very soul. I keep waiting. I keep wishing. I keep praying. For something. Something to remind me that I am alive like I once was. Age has brought me a new feeling, a new set of neuro chemicals to make me wonder what on earth is next. This can’t possibly be what life is about. There has to be more. I keep telling myself that it’s the wrong timing, that I must wait… but I have no idea what I’m waiting for. Perhaps if it came now I wouldn’t recognize it just like the song says. Perhaps I’m just not ready. It’s not my timing after all. It’s His timing. My job is to trust Him. To lean on non linear thinking. I’m working on it. I know that I must be learning something right now. But I miss the intellectual times in my life and the physical times in my life… the times where and when I felt like I was on top of the world. I miss my times in Portland. I miss my times educating myself, learning new languages, experiencing new cultures, and breathing in the exciting and challenging moments in life. I know they are still there. But I feel blind lately. Mostly bored. A little disappointed in myself. What am I supposed to be doing with my life and how am I supposed to be doing it? I miss the people who I used to talk this stuff over with. People like June and Pat and so many others. I miss the people who loved me even when I was vicious and ugly. They made me a better person. I don’t really know what I need at this point. Perhaps joining in on a new class at Real Life or calling an old friend. I’m not sure what I need. I do know for certain though that I need people. The extrovert inside me needs people. But I believe until I can find a “home” again I will have a difficult time meeting people. I need a home. A place where I have beautiful memories and can force myself to relax. But the timing is wrong. For now I will try not to Paint Pictures of Egypt but rather wait on my non linear timing.

-Me

Dear City of Roses,

In Autumn, Beauty, Fall, Portland Oregon, Rain, Rose City, Stars by admin / October 22, 2009 / No comments

You hold my heart in your hands. As fall brings rain and cold wind I cannot believe that another year is almost at an end. In exactly one month my calendar will change and I will leave 23 behind… only to fully embrace the beauty of 24! What it will bring I won’t know until it has already passed. So tonight I embrace this moment. Tonight and every night… I will embrace each moment. I will be here now.

I cannot help but miss the bus just to spend time walking your streets and crunching the leaves beneath my feet. As dusk falls into darkness, each sunset disappears and leaves a sky full of sparkling stars above. You continue to inspire me. As I walk with my eyes pointed toward the diamonds in the sky I cannot help but be reminded of how small I am in the midst of things. I am inspired by the vast beauty. Tonight I could be anywhere in the world and as I look up at the glowing lights I would see the same thing… beauty. Everything is beautiful.

And as the sky begins to cry tears of joy I cannot help but laugh. Even in the cold my heart is warmed by your presence. I splash like a child in the puddles and embrace every raindrop that falls onto my nose. This is beauty. If I cannot learn to appreciate the small things in my everyday routine… I may never see beauty as I walk through life. So my dear Portland, OR thank you for letting me see the beauty… even in the small things.

With love and joy,
Me