I know you’re standing there
Well,
It’s been a while since I’ve written in this thing. I’ve had a few weeks of living at home… well at my dads. It’s been years since I’ve been here. There is something quiet about the country, something that makes you think. In many ways I’ve hated it. But many good things have come from this experience as well. I’ve had more time with the family I love and I’ve gotten to spend more time with my siblings who I would like to get to know better… before I get to much older.
And…
I have had so much more time to think. More time to meditate. More time to review. Because I can’t go anywhere… I am forced to relax. I can’t run from the thoughts that I didn’t realize I was avoiding. I’ve done a lot of reflection. I’ve allowed my emotions to run raw and deep and real. I’ve in a sense come alive again. This stay here has truly blessed me in more ways than I can describe. I not only know where I have come from… I know what I can change (in my life) to become a better person. This self-evaluation was well needed. I had no idea how hardened my heart had become. Being out here with the children, with the animals, with nature… showed me so much that I had forgotten. I feel like I’ve had some serious personal progress in the last two months. Don’t get me wrong… I don’t want to stay here forever! More than anything I want to grow, change, and become the best person I am capable of becoming. I have such a long ways to go. I have to admit when I’m wrong, if something’s wrong, and what’s gone wrong. AND then I need to move on. I need to allow myself to make mistakes and realize that I am human… each mistake is just a lesson. I can learn so much… I can change so much! I need to realize that making mistakes is not failure, but rather a challenge to make things better.. to fine tune things and to refine who I am.
AND…
I need to allow myself to enjoy even the simple things! I need to laugh more. I need to be less serious. I need to do silly things. Try romantic things. Be spontaneous… NOT PLAN EVERYTHING. I need to breathe. I need to take time to live. Just because I’m breathing doesn’t mean that I am living! I need to live more!!!
I NEED TO LOVE MORE, LIVE MORE, LAUGH MORE, and EXPLORE MORE.