Thinking of You…

I have been thinking of you today. Perhaps it is listening to Bebo Norman. He always seems to have a way with words that penetrates the core of ones being and wakes a soul that was attempting to sleep. Dear God, today as I think of you I cannot help but wonder just how faithful you have been to me. You truly are the love of my soul and who you are makes me strive to be who I want to be. I am so imperfect, such a disaster and yet you love me anyway.

I remember when I first met you I was a child… a child who was reaching out for answers and truth. I’d walk to your house by myself each Sunday in hopes of getting a glimpse of you. Back then I didn’t know that I was “believing in anything.” I didn’t know that it was any different from anyone else. Once I arrived in junior high and high school I wanted to get to know you better. I desired beyond all words for you to teach me and lead me in the direction I would go. I loved you.

College was a bit rough as I tried to find out exactly who I was and where I was going. You and I had many late night conversations in the dorm rooms and around the city. When I was confused you always had answers. When I needed to vent you always listened. College was my time to grow and develop as an individual. And then I graduated.

OUCH is all that comes to mind. The biggest learning experience of my life took place. I quit visiting you house as often… I struggled not with my belief in you but with others. Other people battered, berated, and beat me down. I wanted to run and hide. I suppose in a sense I did, but you came with me. Every time I ran you were right there with me, sometimes carrying me when I was unable to walk. You never gave up on me. You constantly encouraged me. The year in between college and graduate school was certainly the hardest year of my life thus far!

Graduate school started about a year ago. I’ve adapted, changed, grown, matured, and pondered many things. I’ve always been independent and one to think for myself but since I have been working on my graduate work I have been able to see the type of person I have become… and who I want to be. Daily I know that I am growing. I never know what you have in store for me. Sometimes I’m scared but it hardly shows because I try not to let it get to me. The truth is I know that no matter what happens, no matter where I have been, or where I am going…. Everything will be just fine. I’m a a cautious mover but as always, you remain the true love of my soul.

and so here I am today… with you. Guiding me. Loving me. Inspiring me. & You’re more than amazing… then again you would be.. You’re God! You created the stars I long to see each summer night, the fall leaves that brighten my day as I crunch them beneath my feet… and the people who celebrate life with me.