My Dreams are Me…
When I first began this journey perhaps it was to prove a point. Perhaps it was to prove that I was capable of something. I had something to prove to myself. However, as I have grown into who I am today I realize that this life has very little to do with me. I have been through a lot in the last 24 years. There have been times I have wanted to give up, just like everyone else has but I have pushed through anyway. As a child perhaps I would have clung to everything familiar and prayed everything would workout in the end. For the most part it did. However, one day I promised myself I would do something everyday that scared me. Not dangerous things… just things that I may have never tried due to personal set backs. College was one of those things. Four years of going through things that scared me. I look back now and wonder where college went and I somehow got halfway through graduate school. The person I was died. I don’t even know if I would recognize her if I saw her today. She was a child, I was a child. I thought like a child. I spoke like a child and I acted how a child would act. I hadn’t yet experienced a broken heart and without that I wouldn’t have learned to be so careful with others feelings. Many many things were out there that I had heard of but didn’t know anything about because I hadn’t yet experienced them. I have changed… my journey means something new. My profession will not be about changing lives, though it may have that impact on people… but my life will be a personal statement of what an individual can accomplish no matter what they have been through. I promise my dears that I will do my best not to let you down…
If I feel pushed or forced I usually say no.. I resist. I am as stubborn as an Ox. I’m okay with that. But today I think I am making the decision to go anyway. I love my family more than you could ever imagine. But today I have an obligation to them… an obligation to do what I am truly capable of and prove to them that life doesn’t have to be the way it is just because we were placed in that circumstance. Because I come from poverty and broken familial patterns and a culture of its own I have to make a choice to climb all of my tallest mountains. I have to prove that there are so many options to life and if I stay here I can’t do that. I have to go. Because when I return I will show them that they are capable of anything their hearts desire. Poverty doesn’t make us who we are. Broken situations don’t make us who we are… we do. They will say… Look she’s just like me. She came from what I did. She did these things, So CAN I! I want to give people hope. Someone who comes from a family that is stable can’t really reach the kind of people whom I know, who are from places that I am from.
So today I will take the hand of my creator and He will lead me places that I haven’t even dreamed of. I will give up my comfort, my personal ideas of what I should do with my life, What I once thought were my dreams… and I will just go. And by just trusting… I will changes lives.