Today was somewhat trying for me. I’m not sure why… there wasn’t much different about today than there was yesterday… and yet I felt a strange stress inside. I felt strangely homesick, missing my loved ones. As I arrived at the Dojang I felt strangely at home. I have moved around so much in the last year and a half that home seems more like a metaphor than a place. I find that home is more about the people and things that you love than the place that you lay your head every night. And though I can appreciate this concept I would like to someday have a somewhat steady home with a man who loves me as much as I love him. I suppose that for a moment you can glance at the tiny piece of romantic inside me. Rarely is it visible to the watching eye… unless I consciously let others see it. But I’m not here to discuss that tonight. I will save that for another time. And I digress.
So tonight I walked into the Dojang and saw the people that I look forward to seeing each night. I can’t help but smile when I see them. They push me to be a better person. They push me to be a better martial artist. They are family in a sense. When I am there I know that I am growing. It cured my sense of homesickness. That my friend was a beautiful thing. I am not a great martial artist but I wont get any better if I give up. So I keep going.
I arrived home to my current residence after class. I worked on some of my work and then I ate dinner. After dinner I went outside and I gave toward the sky. I couldn’t help but smile as I gazed at all of the tiny sparkles. The sky looked so clear and so close despite how gigantic I know they really are. I stood there with my eyes towards the heavens and gasped… feeling so small, so insignificant. Each star weaved with the next creating a blanket wrapping me with comfort and security. I wanted to drop to my knees and stare for hours. And then I smiled… is that such a bad idea? How long has it been since I have slept under the stars? Spent a night admiring the vast beauty that the Creator crafted with his own hands? It’s been a while. I think it’s been too long. So perhaps I will spend the night beneath the stars.
So between tonight and tomorrow I will be in awe… seeing two of my very favorite things. How blessed I must be! I wonder how on earth this karma came to me? I feel so undeserving. I guess I will just pass it on and send it back out into the universe to the best of my ability. The good things in my life make me want to share it with others… I am so grateful. I wish I could make everyone feel as blessed as I do 🙂 And maybe someday I will.
