Single Digits
Well we made it to the single digits! 9 Weeks to go until Baby Boy will be here!!!!
It’s crazy how quickly everything is going by… and yet how slowly at the same time. It’s still hard to believe that we will be a family of four so shortly. I have the normal fears like wondering how Arabella will take it and wondering how on earth I will split my time between two kids. The fear that my big girl wont feel as adored as she is… even though there is no way she could possibly ever be loved any less. She smart and brave and beautiful and silly. I’ve read dozens of parenting books that discuss the same thoughts. They all say that she will have an adjustment period and then be just fine. But it’s hard not to worry. When you have kids it is almost impossible not to.
When you love someone more than yourself… you can’t help but wonder how every little thing will effect them and if you are making the very best decisions for them. Being responsible for someone so dear is such a privilege and it goes by so quickly. Life speeds up when you have kids for a reason. You forget about what it has to offer you and you look at was it has to offer them.
Your dreams become their dreams. You wonder what they will be like and what their future will hold. You’ll spend every day wanting to be better so they have the best of you. What you were before children will fade… you will change. You have to. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s exciting.
The only birthdays you will really worry about are theirs. You’ll spend all night blowing up balloons that you know they will pop in seconds. And you wont mind a bit. You’ll search for the perfect gift or the perfect song even when it is silly because they will be too young to ever remember… and they will take you for granted. But you will smile when you see their face light up. You will feel a joy that you couldn’t possibly know before they entered your life. Being a mom is pretty amazing.
Sometimes you will forget who you were before. I see my degrees hanging on the wall and these days all they do is remind me of someone else. Someone who was independent and focused and driven to do whatever her heart desired and didn’t have to think of anyone else. I felt fearless. I felt like I could take on anything. I see photos of when I did martial arts and competed and was a bit of a daredevil. That isn’t really me anymore. I still love adrenaline rushes but I am am not as reckless. I’m more cautious. I don’t mind at all. You can’t be reckless when you have kids. You have to think of others. But you also want to. It becomes second nature. There is an art to change. If you fight it you end up confused. If you let it flow you get to go on an amazing adventure. This is my adventure. Every single day. Sometimes I fight it and sometimes I don’t.
I love the crazy times… and the sassy times… maybe not at the time but as I look back I am able to see that they were some of the most amazing memories. I love my daughter so much and I have no doubt that I will love my son the same. I hope they become friends and love one another as much as I love them… if that’s even possible!