Life gets busy… life is busy!
My girl reminds me of how busy I am all of the time. She reminds me of what I spend the most time on and what I need to improve on. She is the most honest person I know.
It’s terrifying to see the truth somedays.
“Mommy no phone”
“Mommy come with me”
“Mommy no”
… All she wants to do is hangout with me. Some days I can’t be the Pinterest mom that I would love to be. Some days she has to play by herself while I get the dishes done or mop up where she tinkled on the floor. Some days I’m exhausted with dealing with the loudness a toddler brings to the table. And that’s okay.
I know that she knows she is loved and cared for. She doesn’t have to be on my hip all of the time (and these days she doesn’t want to). Some days she wants to do her own thing like playing in the toilet with a cup (sorry kiddo I’m not going to do that and IF/ When I catch you… You won’t be either). I love her on those crazy days too. But sometimes… I like to wash the dishes during nap time. Sometimes the 60 minutes of nap time is needed. And I soak in the quietness. No music. No tv. Some days I need the 60 minutes to feel like my own person. It’s quiet. Quiet is rare. Naps are magical.
Some days are different. Some days the dishes can wait. Some days nap time takes me captive in a different way. Like I said… Nap time is magical.
Seriously. Have you ever watched a toddler sleep? Chest rising. Eyelids fluttering. Silence (unless they snore). To be honest sometimes mine snores. But it’s a sweet snore. Like a tiny little bear. I can’t help but watch. Sometimes I just want to take it all in. Tiny crinkled hands with arms all sprawled out. At these moments the crazy toddler looks like a peaceful little angel. My heart melts.
Sometimes I’m paralyzed and don’t want to move. I want to soak it in. The beauty of this temporary tiny person is breathtaking . Sometimes even on the days where I am frustrated with her and am praying for nap time… Once it comes I just want to hold her. I rarely regret when I do. The moments are magical. <-yes that word is getting used a lot.These simple moments are relaxing and a tiny bit intoxicating. I breathe in with what’s left of that tiny baby smell. I know it won’t last forever.
Even at my most frustrating moments I love nap time. But not just because of the quiet. I love nap time because I get to pause and take a moment to really think about this amazing person I am getting to know. This person who makes me want to be better. This person who helped me see how simple life is. Simple is beautiful.
And once nap time is over… I give her a little back rub and let her know mommy loves her. The quiet dissipates and the noise comes back at toddler speed. Life goes on. I still get frustrated. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I forget how blessed I am. And a lot of the time… I just get these really amazing moments. There are these two people in my life who make me laugh and challenge me. Most days I probably take it for granted. But I’m learning.
I don’t want to take them for granted. 
I’m praying more than I have in a long time. I’m asking for guidance and wisdom and discernment. I want to give my family a better wife and a better mommy. Overall I just want to continue growing. I want to give my family the love and grace that I myself would want.
We’ve been going to our church now for a while. And my soul has started feeling nourished again. I know we’ve found a good place to be challenged. And Arabella loves “church”. She’s having a lot of fun with the other kids. Our church is pretty awesome. Jay and I would love to move closer to it but for now we are staying close to his work. 
But I digress. I love my family. Having a family makes it hard to ever want to leave this place. But we’ll leave that one for another day.
Until then 🙂 I’m just going to enjoy the small things and keep working toward personal improvement. My life is beautiful but it isn’t perfect. It’s pretty awesome… So I’m going to sit back and soak in the magical moments!
Every single one that I can get my hands on!
