Wow! Where has time gone? This time next week I will have a 21 month old! I can’t believe it!!
She has gotten so big! She’s smart and sassy and wonderful. I feel so lucky to be her mom.
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She makes us laugh all of the time. It’s hard wanting to hold on so tight. I just want to squeeze her a little longer. But I know that she is growing fast. As time goes on she will need me less and less. It’s hard letting her grow up.
It’s hard seeing how big she is getting. But I love it at the same time. I’m cheering her on. She’s so brave. She falls down and gets right up. I want to rush to her and kiss all of her owies as soon as she falls. But I sit back and watch. I wait to see how she will react. I remind myself that she will let me know if she is not okay. I can fulfill my need to kiss her owies later. For now I have to sit back and let her learn how the world around her works. Messy toys are in fact a tripping hazard. You cannot bubble wrap your child… Even when you want to!
And some days you will want to!
It is inevitable… They will get hurt. They will skin their hands and knees. They will likely bust a lip or two. They will fall down, trip, and bump into things. Life is messy. Life is full of that kind of stuff. Now is preparing them for later.
They will learn. Everyone has to. At least that’s what I tell myself every time I see my daughter trip and fall. Of course my heart always skips a beat or two. Of course I’m terrified of a big injury. I’m always there watching and protecting her as much as I can without being a micromanaging helicopter. I will scoop her up if she needs me.
She loves being able to do things on her own. Anything from coloring to walking the dog. And I try to let her even when I am afraid of bumps and scrapes.
I’m trying to be a brave mama but I will admit it’s hard sometimes. For example… This week we went to church and after worship we took her to Sunday school. It was her first time being away from me (other than family). There is no way to describe how hard it was for me. I teared up. As I walked back to the auditorium I fought back my mommy tears. I tried to be brave. As we sat down I watched the little box under the screen just waiting for her number to pop up so that I could rescue her.
Her number never came up. She was fine the entire time. But I still felt an odd loss being away from her. I missed her like crazy. At the same time I knew that it was healthy for her… Playing with kids her own age and learning about Jesus. It’s odd feeling so conflicted all at once. I knew she was safe. I had asked the million questions for months before I allowed her to go. And yet I still missed her adventurous little eyes looking up at me and her energetic arms dancing to the music as she squirmed uncontrollably in my lap.
When we picked her up she was off playing with some castle and trying to fit pieces in different sections. She was fine. When she heard other kids calling for their mama, she turned around and called “mommy, mommy” and ran right towards me. We checked her out of Sunday school and had a snuggle moment.
Being a mom is hard. Not because of the messes you have to clean up or the frustration that you sometimes feel. Being a mom is hard because you have more love than can be contained aimed at a little person whom you are responsible for. And the fear … The fear that comes with the love is amazing and terrifying all at once. Being a mom has taken all of my selfish ambitions and squished them. Being a mom has taken the dreams I once had for myself and made them smaller because the dreams I have for my child are so much larger. These mom feelings cannot really be described with the appropriate words to someone who isn’t a mom. . . But to someone who is a mom, no words need to be used to describe these feelings. It’s unique.
And then this happened! It’s true! I am no longer in my 20’s!
It is a weird feeling. I ended up getting pretty sick the morning of my birthday! We didn’t have any huge plans (which was good). I slept in quite a bit because I was throwing up a lot during the early morning. In the afternoon I was feeling a little better. I wanted to go get some fabric at the craft stores. Arabella didn’t want to ride in the cart. She wanted to “walk”. So we were walking. She tripped over something and fell into one of the shelves at Michaels 🙁 she had a big bruise on her head. At that point it was just time to go home! This day was a wash!
We went home and iced the owie. Had some snuggle time and then headed to the hotel for the night. Arabella loves hotels because they always have pens and notepads for “coloring”.
On the 23rd we hung out at a couple of parks and had fun playing.
And that concluded my 30th birthday weekend!
