Well I’ve been back from Portland for a few days now. I’m finally starting to settle back in. It was a crazy week filled with many emotions. I visited my best friend while her grandfather passed. It was a very difficult time. I’ve known him for almost 20 years and he was like the Grandfather that I never had. Seeing him one last time was good for me but difficult. Loss never gets easier. The older I get the more difficult it gets. I can’t even imagine what she is going through right now. I deal with grief in one way but she deals with it in another. Even when we have lost someone we love, someone we are close to you still can’t imagine what they are going through. We can relate but we cannot feel exactly what they are. Loss is complicated.We are all different. But Loss is difficult. Sarah really impressed me. Her bright and joyful pre-adolescent mind conquered her loss in ways that I can only pray for. She was so selfless and excited for her grandfather going to heaven. It’s times like these that I wish I could be more like her. Perhaps she understands better than most of us because she doesn’t have to deal with the comprehension and fear that an adult might. It’s a blessing in so many ways.
Happy things happened too like seeing my tiny little nieces and nephews. They bring so much joy to my life. I met Sophia for the first time. Her tiny little everything made me nervous at first. It’s been so long since I have held a newborn but the experience is always joyful. I love tiny little people with bright eyes and innocence. Even when that tiny someone cries it is a miracle. The way they communicate and how they see the world around them. To tiny little people everything is amazing and beautiful. There is excitement everywhere. They don’t need words to experience beauty that many adults have forgotten and lost insight on how to see.
I saw friends from when I was young and allowed myself to relax enough to have fun. Real smiles. Real laughter. Real life. Other things happened too like watching movies with my best friend, eating pizza with my family, hugging loved ones, and seeing Jay and I’s brick for the first time. Beautiful things happened.
My goal this year is to see more of the beauty in life and less of the flaws. I know this is going to be a lot of hard work. I want to see joy around me and beauty in my fathers creations. I want to try and experience life again like tiny little people do… with amazement and excitement and joy. So though things aren’t like I had planned… perhaps with joy they can be even better. Kids can see so much more than adults can because they are unbiased and don’t over-think things. They are capable of seeing so much more than we are!
