Lately I have been so overwhelmed. With wedding stuff, not being able to find work, and not having any savings left. I’m just not coping as well as I hoped. The lack of money is causing a lot of anxiety and to be honest I think it is getting worse. The other day I was getting coffee (at church) and I froze. I was a deer in the headlights and completely socially handicapped. I cannot remember the last time I was like this. I think it was sixth grade. Which means that was over 16 years ago. I am getting panicky in crowds and am not exactly 100% sure where this is coming from. When I think about having to be around a bunch of people my chest gets tight, like something is being stacked on top of it. I don’t feel like I am afraid of people or anything I think my social anxiety has just increased. The other day I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I’ve been trying to work on ways to calm myself down and evaluate every situation but sometimes I don’t have the time needed to compose myself before the next situation arises. If I don’t get my stuff together and find a way to calm myself down I am going to completely socially handicap myself. I need to find a way to slowly start interacting with people from the outside more often. I’ve had social anxiety my whole life. Since sixth grade I have been a social butterfly, extroverted, and involved in everything I could get my hands on. It took me a while to work my way up to it but now I’m not sure what happened. I know that I need consistent social interactions (or inoculations) in order to beat this. BUT without a job it’s so difficult to have a social life. I need a job. I know it would solve so many issues. Not only would I be able to have social interactions everyday but I could also have a social life again. I could join a community club or fitness club, And my financial stresses would slowly dwindle into nothingness. So if anyone reads this… I would love it if you could pray about it. I know I am.
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