Thinking thoughts and contemplating contemplations

Bear with me as I sail through the unchartered waters of my semi plasticic ponderings. Sometimes these thoughts last only a moment other times they last through trillions of cerebral electrical storms. I ask questions and I crave finding even a portion of the answer. I love science. I love science because it’s job is to disprove everything around us. Science has disproven that babies who have HIV positive mothers will also have HIV. Science has disproved that individuals who get small pox will die and someday science will disprove that cancer cannot be cured. I love science because it’s honest and true. I love science because it continually is searching for the truth but mostly I love science because it makes sense. So what does science have to do with me?

Perhaps nothing, perhaps everything. I am a logical and overly rational thinker. My personality tests describe me as a fieldmarshal, a rational, and a doer. I am very poor at being submissive for long times… Years. I can follow but I also have to take charge of my life and do something!

I have always had plans and created direction for myself, I have avidly disproven arguments, statistics, and preconceived notions. I am a fact finder by nature. I crave knowledge. I look for answers in everything, I analyze everything. I have trouble making decisions based solely on emotions. I ask a lot of questions and almost always sound sure of myself. Sometimes I make imperfect decisions because I am an imperfect person, but I am me and that’s enough.

People often believe I am naive because I see potential in every human, even the ones that people think are horrible. I am vulnerable because I allow myself to see the best in people, and get hurt when they refuse to see it in themselves. I love meeting new people, making new friends, and hearing other people’s stories. I often feel the need to protect and defend others, sometimes even complete strangers. Maybe this does make me naive.

I have so many answers and there’s a good chance that I’m only right about one percent of the time. Some days more and some days less.

I like to learn about myself, analyze my situations, and try to understand why I think what I do. I constantly evaluate myself in hopes of finding a small clue to help me become a better person. I desire perfection though I cannot grasp it. It alludes me. My brain fires chemicals and helps me make my imperfect decisions, it then stores them away so I can glean whatever I possibly can from them. I never learn enough. I can’t.