Rewarding a Lack of Communication
I find humans interesting. Some of them are so foreign to me that it is difficult to understand. They get upset about things but refuse to address the situation in order to create open communication and establish understanding among all parties. They growl… they grunt… they mumble but they do not use their words to communicate their displeasure. And yes I am talking about adults… not three year olds. My conscience often ends up paying for their lack of communication… I end up feeling guilty for doing something that I didn’t know that I was doing. At times I am too empathetic. These are the things that were beyond my control at the time they were happening. The other party did not mention their discomfort at the time of the occurrence.
Many times I end up walking on egg shells… on trying to please others to a fault. Recently I have come to the conclusion that, that kind of behavior was self-destructive and unnecessary. Not only does it in a sense reward their lack of communication it makes me feel like I did something wrong when I did not. Because of my caring nature others often feel as if I will perceive what they are feeling and magically fix it. Because I tread carefully many end up using me as their personal red carpet. They lay out the mess and I cover it up. So no more walking on egg shells… and NO more letting others use me as a rug! I refuse to feel guilty for something that I cannot control. If I know that something makes someone else uncomfortable I will try to stray from it but I refuse to be a people pleaser to people who refuse to actively use their words to communicate. This only reinforces their unproductive and negative behavior. Why enable them to grunt and groan and mumble when it will not serve them well in the future? It is hindering more than helping! I am not sure where they learned this behavior in the first place but I will not continue to reward it.
So I can’t help but ask…. why don’t adults use their words to communicate to one another? Fear? Anxiety? What is it? Or are we just a bunch of children hiding in adult bodies?