Dear Friends,
I write to you today to share with you a piece of my life that I currently hold dear to my heart: Learning. Since I was a child I have loved learning and grasping new processes and insights. I value knowledge even when others find it useless and a waste of time. I value the learning that I am blessed with at Taekwondo and the learning I encounter in everyday life. My father genetically blessed me with the wonder and passion to continuously grow. My father taught me that hard work and a grasp of reality will get me exactly where I want to be, even if others try to berate me. He was right.
I look up to my father in so many ways. I see his calloused hands and know that they have lived through more than I could ever imagine. When he was but a child they drafted him into a war that he did not wish to fight, like myself my father believes that war is unnecessary; that you do not attack someone before they attack you but rather you avoid war at all costs. Violence is unacceptable unless you are backed into a corner defending yourself. This is the life of a pacifist. I value life more than words can describe. I do not expect others to agree with me; though I value their opinions despite our disagreements.
As an adult my father has struggled to place food on our table and keep us from harms way. We had hard times… from living in tents to accepting food boxes at Christmas. But hard times never seemed as hard as they were. It was life as we knew it and my dad always encouraged us to be the best people that we could be no matter our circumstance. He set an example by showing us his unconditional love and spreading it to everyone he knew. If someone didn’t have food and we did… he shared. If someone didn’t have a place to stay and we did… he opened our home. My dad has taught me so many things. I have learned his compassion and his love for humankind even when I was a child and could not understand so many things.
My father is insightful and deep but quiet and shy. By looking at him you would never expect the intellect and wisdom that lies within. On the surface he looks worn and tired… but at the core he is a well of goodness and knowledge. I strive to be more like that daily. His opinions are grounded and substantially backed up by years of reading and experience. I continue to learn from his actions.
Last night I sent an e-mail to my dad telling him about my first week of graduate school. His reply was simple: “I am so proud of you. I cannot write like you but I hope you know I love you. -dad” As I read these simple words on the page I couldn’t help but have mixed emotions. It was him and his encouragement that gave me the foundation to accomplish something that he never could. He went to war so he never graduated high school. Here I am working on my Masters degree. I felt a strange sense of guilt as I thought about it all. He did what he could to provide me with the tools that I would need. He gave me the opportunity to do what he never had the opportunity to do. I may not have had the easiest childhood but he provided me with the insights and motivation to do my best and strive to continuously grow. He taught me that stagnation is never the answer, though he never actually said those words. He gave me his stubbornness which never allowed me to give up, even when I should.
So today I called my dad. I listened to what he had to say about his garden and the goats they just purchased and how his life has been since retirement. And I was in awe… he sacrificed so much to make my life better, to make all of our lives better (siblings). It couldn’t have been easy.
My parents were worried when I went away for college. They tried so hard to hold on, as our culture always seems to do. And there were battles in the beginning. But we’ve worked through each of them and some where along the way he has become proud of me… despite my independent and hard headed ways. So they were disappointed when I went to Undergrad school but as I find myself going to Grad school I find them in a transition… they are pleased. This has taught me that even my parents have been growing through my experience. They have learned to value something that they cannot understand. This gives me hope as I learn to evaluate my own life… I know that like my parents, my dad especially, that I will not seize to grow and learn throughout my life.
How can I be dissapointed?… I can’t.
