Jump Into Life

I hate that when I begin to write something the stupid computer appears to have to refresh and erase all of my writings. It is here that I simply want to throw the computer off the top of a skyscraper. I think that its sudden crash to the pavement below would give me a sense of satisfaction. I can never seem to write whatever I have once written. It never sounds as good. It never reads as easy.

My mind has felt so rushed lately. I appear to always be on the go. Much like I was in undergrad without the burnt out feeling. I seek out peace within. I have no desire to gain the world but I do reject stagnation. I sit down and I meditate on all of the changes, of all that I am capable of becoming. I do not lose sight of who I am but I continuously strive to be who I am capable of becoming. I breathe in new insights and new ideas. Neurons fire to compensate for what once wasn’t there. New connections are gained daily while others are pruned. They say that brain plasticity dies with youth, that we become set in our ways and are incapable of change. I disagree. It’s our choice. Our brains are still quite malleable if we use them. If you don’t use it then you lose it.

I breathe in and I breathe out. the smell of the unburnt sage and sweet-grass lingers in the air. It is ready to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new. It’s ready to send it’s essence up into the sky and let life breathe in new beginnings. The universe is ready to give back the energy that I am sending out. I am willing to love without condition. Seeing everyone as my equal beside me. Though we may not be equal in all of our unique characteristics. I know there will always be people who are better at somethings. There will always be someone who is better off than me, and sadly always someone who is worse of. Some who are more stable and some who are less. But as we weigh it all together we truly become equals. We are all on the same journey.

So I breathe in and I breathe out. Concentrating on my breathing. Watching the movement of my lungs inside moving to a rhythm of its own. I concentrate on each breath, on each instant of life entering and exiting my body. And the tiny philosopher inside me asks my mind to define life. Some say that when your body’s brain and breath stops then your life is over. Others believe that the soul lives forever continuing from this life to the next. Both contradict one another. Then I am asked what the definition of death is. Is it that moment your heart refuses to start again? Is it the moment that they place you in the ground? Is death just a perception? The philosopher inside me wants to pick apart the views that were once placed inside my head… until everything contains reason. The philosopher inside me wants everything to make sense all of the time. The philosopher wants everything to have a solid reason behind it.

The psychology student in me wants to see the patterns behind everything. It wants to see where everyone has been and where they are going. The psychology major in me only sees the progress that others are making, not the mistakes that they have already made. It roots people on when they’ve gained grounding and overcome yet another obstacle. The psychology student in me loves to see progress… even if it’s just small.

The anthropologist in me sees the difference in each individual, recognizing that they each come from a different family setting, culture and faith tradition. The anthropologist in me begins to understand that people think differently because even if they grew up in the same community they were still brought up by a different environment. People simply see the world through different eyes. Some may see blue as blue and others may see it as green. Once we learn to view the world how they do we gain ground and perspective.  Can you imagine how colorful the world is once we learn to see all of the vibrant colors?  We only hinder ourselves if we choose to see with only our eyes. The anthropologist in me values the differences in people.

The humanist in me only sees the best in all people. The humanist in me believes that all people are capable of reaching the top of the pyramid. They just have to be able to see it within themselves.

The philanthropist in me wants to help everyone get back on top. It wants to see everyone smiling and everyone happy. It wants to make a fool of me just so I can see another laugh, hoping that they laughter is contagious. It wants to place everything at stake just to make the world a better place.

The realist in me sees the value in all of the above but also sees that there are times when these things are unfortunately unrealistic. Life requires balance. If there is one thing that I have learned it is that you cannot simply give… there are times that you have to take as well. Taking is a difficult lesson that I have  been learning my entire life. I feel that I might possibly be gaining some ground here but I’m not positive.

All I can be sure of is that this section of my life wont last forever and it is important to live it to the best of my ability… not striving to gain anything more than the lessons I am able to learn and the love that I am capable of giving. Everything else will just fall into place.

Breathe in… breathe out. Clear the mind and jump into life.