Teaching and Learning

Lately I’ve been writing little blogs about this and that. I’ve even been writing some reviews for places to visit in Portland for competitive articles. It’s been a lot of fun. However, I haven’t had a lot of time to update you all on my life.  So as I sit here in the quiet (which hardly happens) I thought I would give it a shot.

July is right around the corner and I find myself packing for yet another move.  This is Move number 25 in my life and move 2 since the calendar hit 2009. I am excited to see the changes that are coming in my life and curious to see what the universe has in store for me.

I graduated college over a year ago, actually it was a year ago in April and as I look in the mirror at the woman I have become, I can hardly believe that so much time has passed me by. The last six months my age and growth have really shown. I have learned a love that I don’t think I could have known without the experiences that crossed my path.

Once upon a time I believed that every little thing happened for a reason.  And then one day I grew up. I do believe that some things happen for a reason. For example I believe that starting martial arts, losing my job and then moving in with Lauren happened for a reason. Though I believe that reason was to give me a choice. This choice would effect the next adventure in my life and probably the woman I would become. And it did. When I lost my job and used up my savings on rent and food and the basics I was faced with two choices… I could either move in with friends from the dojang in the city or I could move in with my parents in the country.  I chose the city.

There are times when I love the country. I love that it is so quiet you can almost hear the stars twinkling and the river running a marathon to the sea. It is simply inspiring at every turn. It is beauty like that, that tells me there is a creator of the universe… and that he is passionate, full of life and inspiring. But it is also kind of lonely.

But I also love the city. I love the smiles of the new people that I meet each day. I love that there are always new people to meet. I love walking to the store to get whatever I want. I love that there is a busline. I like the freedom of the city… the freedom to hop on a train or plane and go anywhere in the world. I love the sunset over the gorgeous waterfront. It is inspiring in another way. So I chose the city.

It’s been six months since I have made that decision. Six whole months. I believe that I have grown immensely. I hope that I am growing daily. My one true fear is to become stagnant. So life is good. I challenge myself more often than not. I am still growing. I will never quit growing. I like that.

July is going to hit me like the rushing wind. It will be here and gone before I know it. Life is fast. I feel like if I blink I will miss something. But I love it anyway. I don’t always love it every moment… sometimes I struggle with it but those are the moments I look back and realize that i learned so much from. They say that it’s the choices that make us who we are. Well I’ve made a lot of big choices in the last 6 months. Mostly good choices I’d like to believe.

I find that as a teacher I learn much more than I ever did as a student. I may have already learned how to write a paper or give a presentation or count to ten or analyze the interactions of two people… but I had never learned so much about myself. I had never know that I was strong enough to discipline despite how much I didn’t like it. I never knew I could be so strict and so loving at the same time. Balance. Balance is a beautiful thing.  As a teacher I look at my students and I feel so much empathy and because of that empathy I push them harder. I see what I went through, I see the challenges that I had and I understand them. I also see the challenges that I faced later because of what I continued to not understand and was never corrected. I don’t want my students to be just like me… heck no! I want my students to be better than me. I want them to have more opportunities and better lives. If I could give them the world I would… but just handing it to them would give them more damage in the long run. I’d much rather teach them how to deal with it and then set them lose.

They are so brilliant… so bright! They can do anything that they want to. The opportunities are limitless. If there is one thing they get from me I hope it is belief in themselves. I hope they never give up. They all have so much to offer the world heaven knows they’ve already given so much to me. The teach me daily. They share their lives with me, their stories with me. Comedy or tragedy… I’ve heard it all.  And I love them for it.

This past week I was helping out at a camp. As I watched the children new to Martial Arts try to learn their kicks and punches and forms I was in awe of their effort and their drive. I saw the excitement in their eyes, the wonder in their hearts and the frustration in their tiny bodies. As I watched them to correct this or that I began to understand what my own instructors had tried to correct on me. It was such an eye opening experience. Little things that I thought I had down I realized that I did not… because I could see it in them I could see in in myself. Even without knowing it they were teaching me.  A kick here or there a block that was a little off. You never really know exactly how it looks when you are doing it… and until you have practiced it ten million times over again then your body doesn’t even know that it is wrong. Watching these kids make their mistakes reminded me of how many I had and all of the work I have cut out for me. We corrected them over and over and over again and ya know what… they still came. Everyday they came. Just thinking of their determination makes me smile.

And then it makes me sad. There I was looking at these kids whose families couldn’t ever afford to put them in a real martial arts school and I looked at the world and wondered why they didn’t have the same opportunities as the others. They are children. Some of them showed some natural talent and the best they get is a week long course in Martial Arts. If I was a millionaire I would set up a fund for at risk children. Some kind of scholarship program for children who couldn’t afford martial arts to be able to attend a real school…one of the best, like my school.

Maybe this just resonates a little too much with me. Coming from a family with very little money and few opportunities. If we wanted to make something of ourselves we had to try harder than the rest. Nothing was ever handed to us… we had to work for it. I guess that it’s made me really appreciate the things that I have worked for. And despite my appreciation for my small accomplishments I still want to give them the opportunities that I never had. Maybe I don’t have to be a millionaire to change lives. Maybe I can set something like that up. I certainly do have to have a job though. Until then their little faces will play over and over in my head… reminding me that the world is still an unfair and rugged place for a child to grow up… no matter what their background is. It is simply… life. That doesn’t mean that I wont be naive and work to try and change it… even if it is just one child at a time.

So I am off to my next adventure… project change the world ;)Time to get a job (though I’ve tried and tried there is still hope), pay off some debt (student loans) and then work to aim for my goals head on.

If I tell my students that they must believe in themselves then I need to be the first to step out and believe in myself.  I cannot tell them to do something that I myself am not willing to do. A couple more weeks and the new goals begin to become a part of my everyday life. I may not end up changing the world but I do hope to give others an opportunity to change their lives if they so desire.

Over and Out,
Me