I had been working on my book for about six months and needed some serious research completed before I could continue. Can you imagine how difficult it might be at times for a pacifist to write an assassin as her main character? Ok it isn’t as hard as it might appear. I’ve always loved movies with fight scenes! They simply aren’t real. I can dig that. And who doesn’t love seeing Bruce or Jet beat the tar out of some more than deserving bad guys? Ok I’ll leave that breed of human out of this. The point is that I needed some material for my book. The only thing I knew about fighting was from the books or movies that I had come in contact with and the closest I had come to a real fight was my older brothers testing out their new homemade weapons on me (staffs etc.) Many writers like to step into a realm outside theirs when they begin a book. I am no different. I want to understand what my characters are thinking when I am writing them. It makes them realistic. I have tried to experience many of the things that my main character is going through (not the actual assassin part or anything) but her skills and hobbies. It’s been delightful. I know that a lot of writers end up taking pieces of their characters with them, even upon the completion of their product. I have no doubt that I will be any different. It’s really changed me.Tae Kwon Do first found me on June 27th of last year. It was here that I first explored the option of taking a martial arts class in order to step out of my realm and into my character’s. I signed my contracts for that day. Honestly I didn’t think I would make it a month. I have never been athletic. Certain circumstances in my life had never allowed it before this time. I wasn’t sure when I would drop out but I was sure it would be sooner rather than later. HA!
I started my first TKD class on June 28th at 3:30 pm. I couldn’t even figure out how to tie the white belt and was more shy and quiet than I had ever been in my entire life. Those things they called blocks appeared to be some kind of physical trick that my body couldn’t comprehend. And a KiYop? HA! I wasn’t going to embarrass myself by yelling in class. Well that’s what my timid little mind thought. I never thought I would stay with it. I thought it would be too hard. Everyone else looked amazing and I felt like a retarded giraffe. I still do some days. But it’s almost been 8 months since I walked into the DoJang and it’s really grown on me. If you were to ask the me 8 months ago what I would be like today I would say that I would have been way off. You see it’s funny how life works out sometimes. The only person who isn’t surprised by this (including myself) is my best friend. She doesn’t think it’s strange at all. I’ll admit that I am shocked. I keep waiting for the day that I will wake up and realize that it was all just some big dream that I had. I can’t help but wonder when it will disappear. My best friend will be the first to tell you that I place a great deal of faith in others… no matter what I’ve heard I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I never give up on them even when I should. It’s a recipe for disaster in many cases yet I want to believe people are good so I continue to combine it with my relationships and every day life. When it comes to others and their progress I am always positive. However, when it comes to me and my progress… I always wonder when it will be stunted or when the things I’ve accomplished will come tumbling down. I always keep a distance from the complete idea of personal success because I fear the repercussions. AKA I do not have a great deal of faith in myself. It’s lame. I know its lame. I am a statistical anomaly. I’ve beat so many odds that I should be in the book of world records. So though I doubt my progress I do not quit. Thus my continuance of TKD. What can I say… I fell fast and I fell hard. I love it. It has changed me in ways that I didn’t know were possible and continues to do so each day. I can’t explain it. It’s not just the material I’ve gained for my book or that I’ve gained almost 25 pounds since I’ve started or the adrenaline rush or the new family I have attained or even the knowledge that I continue to gain… it’s everything. I’ve just changed. And it’s in a good way. So will I continue to do TKD for the rest of my life? I don’t know. Mast Rohr asked me the other day if I was a lifer or not and I couldn’t answer. How can I know that. I’ve only been there 8 months. It’s such a short time in the scheme of things. I just don’t know. Sometimes it really rejuvenates me… and well sometimes I get really discouraged because I’m not as good as I think I should be. And lessons are gained from both.
Anyway I don’t know what the point of all of this is… I’m just thinking in text. I like to see it written down sometimes. It really helps me evaluate things. I’m an evaluator to a fault… I just can’t help it. I like details but can really suck at them. Well I think I’m done with this baby blog. I’ve already reveled way too much about myself.
Love and Peace,
a baby belt