Hey<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A few nights ago I blogged this on another blog of mine.. but I felt I could post it here now.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I’m tired of feeling like I have to keep everything inside, I want to just tell anyone but then I also have this sense of reality that keeps me from doing so.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My gut feels like it is full of regret. My heart feels heavy, I feel like I’ve made a mistake I can’t go back on again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I mean, I have already done this before… yet as a foolish being– here I am again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ugh.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The most pleasure I’ve been getting in my life recently is when I get to watch a movie or go on a long drive. It is in these times that I really end up forgetting about my situations I am in… it lets me live in a false state.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I just want things to get better, I don’t want the judgemental eyes to be seen looking down on me, and for this overbearing weight to just be lifted.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
This is all very general, with no specifics.. but right now thats how I want to keep it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And… I was at the Mall of America and Nikki Six was there. I hadn’t a clue who it was. The other night I found out by hearing a song from their group.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Anyway, here are some lyrics that were sung in the song– which I really liked.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“You can’t quit until you try.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You cant live until you die<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You cant learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You cant breathe until you choke-<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You gotta laugh when your the joke<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And there’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Recently I haven’t been able to find many words to post comments on others blogs. I go, I read and am left with nothing to say that… well sometimes I know it wouldn’t sound nice, other times I just know I don’t have anything worth saying.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Worth.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And… I have continued my job search. I have even enlisted with a jobbing source now to try and help me find a job. I am nearing the deadline of applying at Target. THEY ALL SMELL THE SAME!!! Yes, it somewhat drives me insane after working at them for 2 and 1\/2 years haha.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Kay<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Thats all for this post.. – for now!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
just Pray.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hey A few nights ago I blogged this on another blog of mine.. but I felt I could post it here now. I’m tired of feeling like I have to keep everything inside, I want to just tell anyone but then I also have this sense of reality that keeps me from doing so. My…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-651","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1899,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2013\/04\/20\/thrive\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":0},"title":"Thrive","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"April 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"There has been a song lately that has resonated with me. \u00a0The song? \u00a0Switchfoot's song from their CD Vise Verses - Thrive. Been fighting things that I can't see Like voices coming from the inside of me and Like doing things I find hard to believe in Am I myself\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"IMG_1705","src":"https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/img_1705.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/img_1705.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1 1x, https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/img_1705.jpg?w=525&h=300&crop=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":484,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2006\/04\/03\/484\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":1},"title":"Good Evening,So I am going\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"April 3, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Good Evening,So I am going to answer my own question from two posts ago...What would I do if I knew that the world would end, now.. a week.. a year ...?Without a question I would be the Christian I am supposed to be, but somehow aren't. I would call my\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1248,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2011\/10\/19\/red\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":2},"title":"(Red)","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"October 19, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Hello everybody. I wanted to stop and write a quick blog. Hoping that this little rash of posts will lead to my thought becoming unlocked. I can try, right? Product (RED). No not the band, but rather the cause. Perhaps I can jog your memory to the cause? I like\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1454,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2012\/06\/20\/missing\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":3},"title":"Missing","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"June 20, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Is it bad that I am not worried? My brother and Kris have been missing for a couple of days now. I have to be honest, I'm mostly worried about Kris\u2026 & not as worried about Michael. I'm not really sure what to think. We have called their place of\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":196,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2004\/08\/18\/196\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":4},"title":"Hey people... it feels nice\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"August 18, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Hey people... it feels nice to make real posts.. now the thing is to get people to read them hahahahaokay okay.. I have some things you all can give me feedback on.. and the finishing touches on the Emily story.First the question for the night.. and what I think I'm\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":579,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2007\/01\/08\/579\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":5},"title":"I saw the time and\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"January 8, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"I saw the time and I scrambled to get internet explorer open and to log into xanga...That way I could still post (officially that is) for Jan 7th.. I like the number 7.Soo.. I did it.\u00a0 I logged in and did a private entry until a little later when I\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=651"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=651"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=651"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=651"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}