Hey<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A few nights ago I blogged this on another blog of mine.. but I felt I could post it here now.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I’m tired of feeling like I have to keep everything inside, I want to just tell anyone but then I also have this sense of reality that keeps me from doing so.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My gut feels like it is full of regret. My heart feels heavy, I feel like I’ve made a mistake I can’t go back on again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I mean, I have already done this before… yet as a foolish being– here I am again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ugh.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The most pleasure I’ve been getting in my life recently is when I get to watch a movie or go on a long drive. It is in these times that I really end up forgetting about my situations I am in… it lets me live in a false state.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I just want things to get better, I don’t want the judgemental eyes to be seen looking down on me, and for this overbearing weight to just be lifted.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
This is all very general, with no specifics.. but right now thats how I want to keep it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And… I was at the Mall of America and Nikki Six was there. I hadn’t a clue who it was. The other night I found out by hearing a song from their group.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Anyway, here are some lyrics that were sung in the song– which I really liked.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“You can’t quit until you try.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You cant live until you die<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You cant learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You cant breathe until you choke-<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You gotta laugh when your the joke<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And there’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Recently I haven’t been able to find many words to post comments on others blogs. I go, I read and am left with nothing to say that… well sometimes I know it wouldn’t sound nice, other times I just know I don’t have anything worth saying.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Worth.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And… I have continued my job search. I have even enlisted with a jobbing source now to try and help me find a job. I am nearing the deadline of applying at Target. THEY ALL SMELL THE SAME!!! Yes, it somewhat drives me insane after working at them for 2 and 1\/2 years haha.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Kay<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Thats all for this post.. – for now!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
just Pray.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hey A few nights ago I blogged this on another blog of mine.. but I felt I could post it here now. I’m tired of feeling like I have to keep everything inside, I want to just tell anyone but then I also have this sense of reality that keeps me from doing so. My…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-651","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":698,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2008\/03\/14\/698\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":0},"title":"heyso I really like the\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"March 14, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"heyso I really like the song thats playing. [click here]If you don't .. thats too bad.I've been trying to make plans with some people all week and things keep falling apart, or nothing happens at all, no call backs or anything.So I leave it it at that.Tomorrow I have plans,\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1899,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2013\/04\/20\/thrive\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":1},"title":"Thrive","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"April 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"There has been a song lately that has resonated with me. \u00a0The song? \u00a0Switchfoot's song from their CD Vise Verses - Thrive. Been fighting things that I can't see Like voices coming from the inside of me and Like doing things I find hard to believe in Am I myself\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"IMG_1705","src":"https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/img_1705.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/img_1705.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1 1x, https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/img_1705.jpg?w=525&h=300&crop=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":882,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2011\/02\/21\/882\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":2},"title":"3 days. Yes there are\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"February 21, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"3 days. Yes there are only three days remaining until Emily's birthday. \u00a0It is kind of surprising that it is already here. \u00a0The end of the month. So this is my second post this month! \u00a0It almost reminds me of the days when I use to blog every-single-day. \u00a0Or at\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":438,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2005\/11\/18\/438\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":3},"title":"heyI finally talked to Tom-\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"November 18, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"heyI finally talked to Tom- he took me out to lunch and we chatted. I'll be staying in Voices and Choir after all.It was a good conversation.. its how I would have wanted it to go.I also discovered that Arby's doesn't have that half bad of food. I mean.. I\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":714,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2008\/05\/24\/714\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":4},"title":"heyso I have two things\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"May 24, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"heyso I have two things to blog about.First is... that (I know I've said this before) but I am three years single.\u00a0 It is quite the feat... not one that I was even trying to accomplish.\u00a0 And I know I've had a bit of drama\u00a0in those three years but still\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":125,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2004\/03\/24\/125\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":5},"title":"hey everyone.I thought it was\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"March 24, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"hey everyone.I thought it was time for a big post.So this is my attempt at a big post *cough*My life! Wooo.. It has been Good. I've read some awesome books and I just want to read and understand and take in more. I don't want to stop.. keep going.. I've\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=651"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=651"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=651"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=651"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}