Hey<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A few nights ago I blogged this on another blog of mine.. but I felt I could post it here now.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I’m tired of feeling like I have to keep everything inside, I want to just tell anyone but then I also have this sense of reality that keeps me from doing so.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My gut feels like it is full of regret. My heart feels heavy, I feel like I’ve made a mistake I can’t go back on again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I mean, I have already done this before… yet as a foolish being– here I am again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ugh.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The most pleasure I’ve been getting in my life recently is when I get to watch a movie or go on a long drive. It is in these times that I really end up forgetting about my situations I am in… it lets me live in a false state.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I just want things to get better, I don’t want the judgemental eyes to be seen looking down on me, and for this overbearing weight to just be lifted.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
This is all very general, with no specifics.. but right now thats how I want to keep it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And… I was at the Mall of America and Nikki Six was there. I hadn’t a clue who it was. The other night I found out by hearing a song from their group.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Anyway, here are some lyrics that were sung in the song– which I really liked.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“You can’t quit until you try.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You cant live until you die<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You cant learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You cant breathe until you choke-<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You gotta laugh when your the joke<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And there’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Recently I haven’t been able to find many words to post comments on others blogs. I go, I read and am left with nothing to say that… well sometimes I know it wouldn’t sound nice, other times I just know I don’t have anything worth saying.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Worth.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And… I have continued my job search. I have even enlisted with a jobbing source now to try and help me find a job. I am nearing the deadline of applying at Target. THEY ALL SMELL THE SAME!!! Yes, it somewhat drives me insane after working at them for 2 and 1\/2 years haha.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Kay<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Thats all for this post.. – for now!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
just Pray.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hey A few nights ago I blogged this on another blog of mine.. but I felt I could post it here now. I’m tired of feeling like I have to keep everything inside, I want to just tell anyone but then I also have this sense of reality that keeps me from doing so. My…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-651","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":484,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2006\/04\/03\/484\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":0},"title":"Good Evening,So I am going\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"April 3, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Good Evening,So I am going to answer my own question from two posts ago...What would I do if I knew that the world would end, now.. a week.. a year ...?Without a question I would be the Christian I am supposed to be, but somehow aren't. I would call my\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1899,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2013\/04\/20\/thrive\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":1},"title":"Thrive","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"April 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"There has been a song lately that has resonated with me. \u00a0The song? \u00a0Switchfoot's song from their CD Vise Verses - Thrive. Been fighting things that I can't see Like voices coming from the inside of me and Like doing things I find hard to believe in Am I myself\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"IMG_1705","src":"https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/img_1705.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/img_1705.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1 1x, https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/img_1705.jpg?w=525&h=300&crop=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1661,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2013\/02\/09\/resigned-to-the-fact\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":2},"title":"Resigned to the fact","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"February 9, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Hey This title seems to imply something positive? Perhaps. \u00a0The truth is: I am getting rather discouraged by this non-job finding atmosphere. \u00a0It really\u00a0bothers me beyond belief\u00a0. I am starting to resign to the fact that I will be stuck in a shoddy call center type job long term if\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 2 comments","block_context":{"text":"With 2 comments","link":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2013\/02\/09\/resigned-to-the-fact\/#comments"},"img":{"alt_text":"IMG_1470","src":"https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/02\/img_1470.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/02\/img_1470.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1 1x, https:\/\/dcxr7.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/02\/img_1470.jpg?w=525&h=300&crop=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":698,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2008\/03\/14\/698\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":3},"title":"heyso I really like the\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"March 14, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"heyso I really like the song thats playing. [click here]If you don't .. thats too bad.I've been trying to make plans with some people all week and things keep falling apart, or nothing happens at all, no call backs or anything.So I leave it it at that.Tomorrow I have plans,\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":882,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2011\/02\/21\/882\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":4},"title":"3 days. Yes there are\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"February 21, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"3 days. Yes there are only three days remaining until Emily's birthday. \u00a0It is kind of surprising that it is already here. \u00a0The end of the month. So this is my second post this month! \u00a0It almost reminds me of the days when I use to blog every-single-day. \u00a0Or at\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":611,"url":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/2007\/04\/11\/611\/","url_meta":{"origin":651,"position":5},"title":"Work has started...I am still\u2026","author":"me@jshox.com","date":"April 11, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Work has started...I am still adjusting to the schedule.\u00a0 It is interesting..I passed the City Codes test of random codes with 95% that they picked out of 240.Not sleeping really well, but it happens.I noticed my xanga hasn't been updated in some 4 days and it really feels like its\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=651"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=651"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=651"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jshox.com\/jay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=651"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}